The One Thing I Regret.

This world, is made up of thousands and thousands of people, cities, vandalised walls and unfulfilled prayers. In this sphere, I could be remorseful about anything and everything, so, what should I repent? Not studying for my exams or wasting about sixteen years of my life? Should I feel guilty about how I back-stabbed my now, ex-best friend or how I keep lying to my parents, who want nothing but just the best for me? In this universe, where I could have thousands of woes, I choose to regret myself.

Sometimes, there comes a point in your life, when you just cannot get out of your bed and you keep crying but not a single tear comes out and only one question lingers in your head, “Where did I go wrong?” The thing is, you did not go wrong anywhere, your entire life, was just a pompous lie. Only after so many years, am I realising, that I never really was any good, in the things I thought I was. Thoughts, you see, have the power to kill you while keeping you very alive. As of now, I am trying to outlive my worst nightmare which has come to life. As an eminent person once said, sometimes, everything you wish for, crashes into ruins. In times like these, you look back and you think about the times in which you were happy and satiated with life and that pains your heart because you truly do not know whether you are going to get back to where you were. What if it stays this way, forever? Then, you look at other people, who might not have much, but they are content and you envy them for you always belittled them but finally, they win and you, lose. As Troye Sivan said, you feel like you have lost a part of your existence. The problem is, I still have hope. Now, hope is the best and the cruelest thing, at the same time. I feel like things will get better. Maybe not instantly, but, sometime in the future. However, for now, I keep coming back to the fact that I could not achieve what I always wanted to and it is no one’s fault but mine. To some extent, it feels good to blame others but this time, I cannot condemn anyone else.

I regret myself and I cannot think of anything, which is worse than that.