Journal : Never Let An Expectation Ruin You

Whatever I think is ending up in a trash.

I don't think I would survive this hell with whole me as intact.

It’s that whatever I start thinking is ending up with him. I can't blindly follow my instincts in this case . He completes me. I don’t know whether I'm the only one to think like that. It’s bad of me to develop some false hopes. But I can’t help it. What can a girl do if everything turns up against her, by simply reminding him?

His smile… his eyes… his cologne… they are fresh in my thoughts. How can I get rid of them when I find him in everything I do?Everything I do it's like I am finding him in it. It's seriously an issue, and I don’t know how to solve. Being an intelligent goose, he can’t help me in this case.

It’s like I need to grab him by the collar for making me like this. I hate myself being like this. I don’t want me being like this shit when I have tons of works to do.

I’m going weak with him. This can’t be happening. I need to be strong. But strangely I’m feeling strong next to him. I don’t know when he started to define me. I liked that then. But not now.

I don’t even know what I’m to him. Even more, I can’t define what he is to me. On what basis am I acting as if he is going to be all mine for all the future.

He was the one interested in me at the start. He was the one who can’t even look in my eyes. I was flying at those moments. I was a fool to overreact then.

It’s me who is even worse than that. I can’t even handle a day without a text or call.

I’m confused about whether to take these moments as life lessons or to estimate myself as another bitch, adding weight to this world.

Ohh the poor me!