Healing is trying to detach from the person you imagined spending your life with.
It’s learning how to live without someone you’ve become too dependent on.
It’s learning to find happiness again in yourself when you’ve spent so much time leaning on them to cheer you up when you were feeling down.
It’s learning to dry your own tears and finding ways to make yourself laugh.
It’s learning how to do everything on your own again and cope with the loneliness you feel without reaching out to them.
It’s alienation.
It’s creeping loneliness you can’t escape.
It’s staying up until 3 AM just hoping they’ll text you, even though its been days or weeks of silence.
Healing is going insane, it’s stalking them on social media, asking your friends about them and making up scenarios inside your head, just incase they reach out. It’s a hundred typed text messages that you always deleted.
It’s aches in your heart that you don’t think you’ll ever find the strength to heal.
It’s darkness creeping over you repeatedly at night while you’re clinging onto their shirt as you try to sleep, wishing it was them.
It’s wanting to give up, to quit life, it’s not wanting to be productive and wanting to crawl into a dark hole of despair and self-loathing.
But then one day without warning you realized you’ve changed.
You grew.
You woke up and you decided it was time to stop missing them.
You realized they’re gone and they’re not coming back, so it’s time to move on.
The dark cloud that was hanging over your head, has turned to gray and before you know it you start to see the sun peaking out.
You unravel all the bandages you placed all over your bruised and beaten heart and you can feel again, and not just sadness.
You finally remember what it feels like to laugh again and have fun. You remember what it feels like to walk around without a heavy weight constantly bringing you down. You feel new and you start to feel whole again because you realize there is more than them out there.
You realize they are not the sole reason for your existence and you realize you can be fine on your own. You can be your own happiness; you don’t need them to live, no matter how much you thought you did at one point. There is more out there for you and it might take time but you’ll realize it.
Behind the jet-black darkness they left you standing in scared and alone, you will find your way out and you will pick up every shambled piece you thought you’d never find and you will move on.
You will live, except this time you will be learning to live for yourself and no one else.
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