I hope you never know

Why I did not say a word

Why I had to let it all go

Why I had to push you away

Why it was not a good Idea

Why I hid behind these walls

Why I buried them feelings

Why I had to chain my heart

Why I hid the keys

and Why under the deepest of seas.

And I do hope you never question

Why you were not worth it

Why did it have to  end

Why can’t you have it back

Why can’t you get me back

Why can’t I let you in

Why and where did you go wrong.

Because they all have answers

that can’t be found unless

I let you drown in the chaos

that is only mine.

And no matter how much I love you

no matter how much it hurts

no matter who says what

no matter if its the last thing I do

I can’t for the life of me let you dive into it.

For it’ll break me in to a million tiny pieces

that even I wouldn’t know how to start fixing it.

For you’ll be breaking something

that was already broken

and you know what happens when a broken gets broken?

It turns into shatter 

you can never fix back together.

I wish I’d been for you

what you have been for me

a ray of hope

a rain of joy

a cup of coffee

a book of love.

Love is nothing but a test of time.

One that we’d have both survived

if only the stars were aligned right

if only the fates were a little less cruel.

So it’s all on the universe.

Not me. Not you.

Neither of us to blame.

Isn’t it better that way?