The Religiously Challenged

The Mind of a Religiously Challenged

Growing up, my grandmother used to tell me a lot of stories about a lot of Hindu Gods and Goddesses like Krishna, Ganeshji, Shivji, Parvati Ma, Ma Durga. Stories about how and why they are considered Gods, due to their greatness, strength, empathic nature. I used to question the stories then, and I question them now.

I didn’t dare speak as a child, about my doubts, regarding these Gods that we worship, in fear that I’d be berated for not having faith, and blindly believing in whatever I’ve been told.

As I’ve grown older, more mature, I’ve realized that maybe, I need to not see everything with a realistic view, and not search for a logical explanation for everything. Because there might be some explanation as to what happens after we die.

It was then when I started wondering, if science can’t explain this question, then religious beliefs might get me somewhere with answers.

Hindu Religion is a vast religion to explore, and having been brought up in a family of Hindus, and being surrounded by them all my life, I can proudly say that being a Hindu is like exploring all kinds of culture. But for me, this is not enough. Having no faith in what my family believes in, the very religion that I grew up learning about, I feel empty, as if that no faith is catching up to me.

This faith of mine, which does not exist, can be due to my own logic searching brain, or it can be, that I’ve never found the Hindu religion to be fulfilling enough. Trying to be religious, I decided to pay attention to my mother’s verses when she prayed, and attend temples, but it didn’t incur any faithfulness in me.

As a child who grew up surrounded by religionists, people who had something to believe in, to help them be surrounded by a non-existent cosmic entity at all times, I feel a little guilty that I’m dishonoring their believes. It feels as if everyone around me is a pure entity, whereas I continue to look for reason and logic.

Recently, I’ve tried reading about other religions like Christianity, Islam, Buddhism, Jainism, etc. There are certain aspects about all of these religions that I’ve found believable and likable, and their beliefs and superstitions. But as of now I still can’t fathom why I lack faith and am not able to follow any particular religion.

Religion might not be about following a god blindly, it might not be about waking up every morning and praying to a cosmic entity. It might be about yourself. Your belief in yourself, your strength, power, values. So as I grow, I hope to be my own religion, and one day believe in something as my elders do.