Lies.

So, whatever you said was a lie? Even when you looked me right in the eye, with what seemed utmost sincerity? Even when I begged you not to lie? When I told you, you don’t have to say it, if you don’t mean it? All of it was really a lie? Maybe it didn’t strike you then that you gave me the tiniest ray of hope, maybe it didn’t strike you then that giving me a fake hope, just to make me smile then can snatch my further scope of happiness. Maybe it didn’t strike you then. Maybe it doesn’t strike you now. And maybe it won’t ever strike you. But in that oblivion, in the bubble that you were living, you didn’t know you were breaking my soul. Piece by piece. Every time you lied and I believed it, was every time a piece of me was taken without us knowing. It wasn’t until you left, I realised that you took a lot of me. You told me not to believe anything blindly. I didn’t. I checked once. I double checked. I checked till the time I was convinced that maybe this one will different. But who was I kidding? Obviously, it didn’t. But then tell me? I tested my waters so many times. Then tell me why did I drown? Did I voluntarily walked into the ocean knowing I couldn’t swim or was I made to believe that I won’t drown? A little of both I guess. I don’t blame you for anything. How can I? you tried your best. I just have a question for you? Why? Why did you tell me you loved me when you didn’t? why did you compliment me every day when you couldn’t mean a word of it? Why did you make me feel beautiful when you believed otherwise? Why did you tell me you need me when you didn’t even want me? Just answer these and you’re off the hook. I wouldn’t cross question you once. I wanna know the answers to these question that haunt me at night, that keeps the monsters in me up and alive. not for closure but because I need to start loving myself. The smile that you apparently loved, well I hate everything that brings it up. The eyes that you couldn’t stop staring into, I have stopped looking myself in the mirror. The hands that you found oh so soft, I have started punching so that they are as rough as a stone. The lips you found softer than a feather, I bite them till they bleed. The heart that you found pure and soft, is now cold blooded. everything that you liked in me, I now hate, not because of you, but because they were never enough to make you stay and love them. So, tell me why? Is it because I did one gullible mistake of trusting a human? Is it because I was stupid enough to be vulnerable in front of you. i thought I was a fighter, little did I know I was flighting an already lost battle with you.