You Are Judging Yourself, Not Them!

Go ten years back in time, the time when you were a child. And try to find an answer to this question, were you afraid of being judged at that time? Were you afraid of what people will think of your crooked smile or your big nose or your fat tummy or the way you Walk or the way you laugh? Most probably your answer is no and if not then you are in the late fifties and for that go back like 40 years.

why I am asking you to do this is because as far as I remember as a child I was free spirited. Free of what people will think of me, free of their judgment. And now when I think of it, I observe that the fear of judgment is not something you are born with but you acquire it as you grow.

This fear, in many cases, is a reflection of our own insecurities. Our judgments are based on what we think is acceptable by people or what will lead to embarrassment in front of people.

So when you fear someone is judging you, what you are really doing is judging yourself.

You assume you have done something that is going to cause a negative judgment. This is a reflection of your own fears.

You assume the other person feels the same way about the action and will also judge you. What you are really doing is projecting your own thoughts onto someone.

I think the thing that stops us from expressing is that we think it is better to be hidden than to be judged negatively. But guess what, this life and people will judge you no matter what, they come from the different background, have different opinions and they tend to judge a thing even though they don't know even a bit of it. Just like you hate a vegetable, you haven't even tried yet, funny but it's true.

So I think it's better to be judged for who you are rather to be judged for who you are not.

And if you notice yourself holding back out of fear of judgment, ask yourself first question "what judgment do I fear will come from my opening up" and "what is it I fear will occur if they make the particular judgment about me?". Once you identify the fear, it is easy to deal with. The Problem identified is problem half solved. So at this time, remind yourself that close and intimate relationship deepens when people risk judgment. If this doesn't happen, it don't necessarily mean you have done something wrong but it means that the person you are working to connect with doesn't have the capacity for an emotionally intimate relationship and isn't mature enough to invest emotionally.

Also, do you remember every judgment you have ever made? No, right! So the same goes for everyone. People will judge and forget. But you, you will remember that you did not do a thing because of something so temporary.

So come out of your self loathe and stop stopping yourself from doing stuff. Because at the end of the day you are the only person with whom you will spend the most time, so do what you love the most.

People will judge you. It’s a fact of life. And the more you are yourself the more you will be judged.

But these judgments don’t really exist. They aren’t concrete in any way. They are nebulous…fleeting…and easily forgotten.

So why dwell on them?

This fear shackles us, and we play the role of victim ourselves and after some years while sitting on your death bed you'll wonder why you stopped yourself from doing things you really wanted to but couldn't because you feared being judged by some stupid a*s people who are now nowhere to be found.

I’m not saying this mindset shift is easy. It’s not. But we can try to overcome the fear of judgment by understanding what it is.