Lately, I have been feeling a lot of feelings
Not really knowing their meanings
I know, they just come and go like a flash
But really, they make me feel like a trash
I am not being able to find words for them
They just force me to shut and pretend.
I try to covey them to someone
But when I look around I have no one.
And when I do gather the courage to talk
People say I'll be fine and they just walk
They hear me but no one really listens
They come with their 'good' advice which really does nothing.
I know, good days will come but what about the bad days that I am living?
I know, I'll be happy again but what about the feelings I am currently having?
I am not blaming anyone for not understanding me
Because I can't really understand myself either
It's a mess, I know, I might even be a burden or too much for someone
But I am a human, after all, I can't be all happy and bright every fukcing day
I am a human who goes through emotions and I am allowed to have a bad day.
I need to feel these emotions, I can't just sit in silence and let them eat me up
I need to go and grow through them and pick myself up
And I don't need someone to do it for me,
don't get me wrong.
I just need someone to be with me
While I do this for me.
Someone who watches me improving and picks me if I fail
Who doesn't always needs my words to understand.
But their touch is enough as if I am braille.
And if somehow I do speak
Then they say to "be strong"
But they don't know
How much courage is needed
To say what goes through my head.
I don't want another person to say this
Cause I say this to myself every day.
Rather I want someone to listen,
To listen to what I go through every day.
Asking me to be strong and not think about it
Oh my god! Great advice, I never thought about it.
But trust me, if this was this easy
I wouldn't be talking about this
But here I am trying to pour my heart out
Telling you how I am a burden to myself
How my thoughts are against me
How they control me
And stop me from being me.
I don't know who I am anymore
I am fighting, but I don't know what for.
It's a war inside my head
And even if I win
It's me who loses in the end.
If you are the one to whom I tell about my demons
I have thought about it a lot
I have chosen you from all the people's slot
So I expect very little, not a lot.
I expect, that you listen
Not just my words but my silence
And even if you don't understand it's fine
Because I have to solve this problem, it's mine.
But just listen, listen for sometime
It might help me
Knowing that you care for me.