Indeed, hating yourself seems like a trend these day just like being sad is. It is not only normalised but also romantisized. As if hating yourself is poetic or something. But it is a real issue, a problem many people face. And there are many aspects to it.
One of the thing about self-hate is that you can't even accept that someone else might fall in love with you.
Below is a poem i wrote a while ago describing this situation.
I love you, he said.
As an instinct I replied, I love you too.
But my mind said really, do you?
Or, what he just said was even true ?
Is he really in love with me
Or in love with the "idea" of being in love with me
He could be standing in front of me
Saying nice things to me
Saying i matter, I am beautiful
But here I am constantly contemplating
How could he be in love with me?
For I am no princess hell I am just a total mess
Who really doesn't love herself, yes I confess.
How could he be in love with me?
Me, who is literally full of flaws
Who covers them up and just puts up a good show
I am not saying that I don't believe him, yes I do
It's just hard for me to accept
Because of what I have been through.
This is how your self doubts, your own judgement stops you from being close to someone. Even when the person is true and genuinely have feelings for you, you end up thinking its because something he/she wants. Because you have convinced yourself that you have nothing to offer to other person so why would they even like you.
For my whole life I have been taught that people fall in love with face.
And for my whole life, being confident in my body, well that's what I have chased.
I still struggle, I still fumble honestly I have no grace.
And people around me, looks like are just living their best days.
I know everyone is different and comparison is deadly.
But I have been feeling low about myself lately.
It's just my insecurities are just too loud,
My head is full of thoughts, thoughts of self doubt.
I feel lonely even in the room full of crowd.
I really wanna stop feeling about myself like this,
Because it shackles me and there are opportunities I miss.
And you know funny how we all have started considering self hate as a normal thing because it's just so much around us that, if you don't hate something about yourself it means you are selfish, arrogant or even a narcissist.
How does that even make sense ?
It's okay not to like something about yourself but then there are also millions things about you that you can fall in love with.
Yes, sometimes making fun of yourself is okay. If it's light hearted because it shows that you are secure enough to actually make fun and laugh on yourself. Which is actually good.
But if it reaches to a level where you can't accept other people's love, it's dangerous. It will force you to live alone, compare yourself to other and and therefore make you hate yourself even more.
You will end up feeling sorry for yourself and you learn this very late that this self-hate didn't let you live the the life you could have.
People say just love yourself and you'll be fine
I do try, try to follow them but my heart just decline.
I am living in darkness, darkness of my mind.
Hoping for the day when the sun will shine
Shine so bright that I am blinded by its light
That I see no wrong in me just the right.
I know this day is far and for now out of my sight
But I know it will come and I will fight
Fight to push myself
That I have no option left
But to fall in love with what I have been blessed.
First step to self love is self acceptance.
Not liking a thing about yourself is totally okay because we are humans and humans are flawed.
But shinning through your flaws and not letting them stop you from living and loving is a true gesture that you accept yourself.
And self love just doesn't happen over night, just how self hate happens because of constant hate or judgement you listen to, in order to love yourself you have to constantly make yourself believe that you deserve to be loved. Surround yourself with people who love you and you love. Fill your life with good vibes and create memories.
Loving yourself is a process. Sometimes you might fall back into your old habits but don't stay there, walk out and move on. Simply because you deserve that.
You can read my other write up totally based on loving yourself, named "struggling to love yourself ?".