A Letter To The Past.

Hey, kid.

I’m writing this seven years later,not because you’ve gotten where you want to be but because there are things that need saying before we do.We aren’t even close.But guess what?You’re in a much better place.

So many things to begin with but I’ll chose our main problem, which is confidence. Your social anxiety.The way your chest hurts when you finally see that people weren’t all that nice,like you believed them to be. I’ll tell you what, throw that expectation away.Nobody owes you any possible reaction or response or treatment you’ve chalked up in your head,but don’t let them run over you,girl you’ve gotta stop doing that.Friends are going to backstab you, creeps are going to come at you and I know you’re going to be scared mute but trust me,sometimes making a scene is the way to go.Remember how much you wanted to be a Gryffindor but you always felt you didn’t have it in you?

Well you do.You just have to make the jump.

And for the love of God,stop being so hard on yourself.Tell mom and dad what you want,don’t be the sacrificial animal who’s always hiding away and letting everyone else have the fun.You deserve it too,and it took me way too long to realize that.Go out there,have fun,life doesn’t have to be so melancholic.

In two years you’re going to undergo the worst pressure you can probably be under, is what you think.But child,so much more is coming your way, boards are nothing. I wouldn’t erase any of the experiences we go through though,as painful as it might’ve been,because it made me who I am today and I like who I am today, so take a deep breath and bare with it.Know you’ll come out of it a much wiser person.

When you leave home for the first time at 16, spoiler alert,you’re going to have a really horrible time.I’m not even kidding,that right there is the ‘back in my day' sob story you’re going to tell yourum—or um our children when we’re older. And just as a heads up,pack some multivitamins,hostel food ain’t worth shit.

Family,it’s going to feel like you’re stepping away,drifting apart.It’s going to be painful but hey,it had to happen at some point.I know how much you love and treasure the bond you have with family and immediate friends but let me tell you, and this will hurt to hear,people go their own way.And you’re just going to be standing there in the middle,trying to clutch onto loose strings that are slipping through your fingers as they all move on and go further in life. That’s when you finally start to wake up and smell the coffee.For you and me,walking into independence and adulthood is strange and you feel out of place,because everyone else seems like they know what they’re doing while you just really feel like you’re trying to lift Mjolnir with no qualifications whatsoever.

Two important things here: one,everyone has their own pace,there’s no rush. You have a good head on your shoulders and millions of flaws you’ll learn to accept and work around towards betterment.Two,nobody knows what the frick they’re doing.

I’m not kidding.Everyone is just as confused as you are,but some people have better poker faces, you know?

I could talk for pages about all the things I could’ve changed but like I said,I won’t,I’ll just let you experience them.No,I haven’t found love yet( but all your closest friends have and boy do you have a lot of mothering to do), maybe the next letter from ten years later holds some good news there, let’s keep our fingers crossed.But honestly,that’s not what life is all about. You’ll see. You and I,we’re on a slow journey of self love,and I’m not all there yet,but I’m way closer than you are and it feels wonderful.

Keep your chin up and be unapologetic,kid.No matter what they tell you,you’re one of the good ones,and you’ll find people who see that.

Yours,quite literally,
Me.

PS: Pokemon is still lit,watch out for Tom Holland he’s gonna snatch your heart. And yes your eyesight is actually that bad,don’t wait till next year to tell mom,kid,jeezuz.

Bon voyage.