An abusive relationship is when the person is being ill-treated and victimized by the other person in that relationship. This might be between their parents, partner, friends or their professional relationships. This is a topic that has always garnered much attention in the media. It has been excessively addressed and yet many people around the world continue to be abused in the relationships that they invest themselves in.

Being abused does not necessarily mean being hit by another person, it involves being subjected to psychological abuse, sexual abuse, digital abuse, financial abuse and also being stalked. The victim, almost always, finds it tough to identify with the situation because they have completely invested themselves in the relationship and the thought of that relationship going downhill makes them sick to the stomach.

The abuser might not necessarily be a bad person, he/she might be a very good person in the society but to that particular person, they might assert their dominance. Researchers have said that people abuse the other person in the relationship more often than not because they are threatened by that person. It was revealed in a study that most abusers have had a traumatic experience in their past and abuse their partners because they have a pathological need to feel superior and dominant.

The way the abuser treats the victim is not the victim’s fault but the victim is made to feel that way by the abuser. The abuser does so to fill the void in them. The abusers usually have low self esteem and they reflect it on their victims.

If you grew up in a verbally or emotionally or physically abusive family, you might not understand when you are being abusive or being abused. But it is no excuse to abuse someone. It is not right to reflect our personal problems onto another person who is investing themselves in the relationship.

Just as physical abuse is wounding the body, verbal and emotional abuse is deeply wounding to the soul.

It is tough for the victim to comprehend if their relationship is abusive because they are completely involved in the relationship. They will not be able to accept the fact that the relationship that they are in, is what is slowly destroying them.

Emotional abuse can be tough to identify and physical abuse, tough to be accepted by the victim. Sometimes people mistake intense jealousy and possessiveness as signs of intense signs of love. Threats, intimidation, putdowns, controlling behaviour, and betrayal are common when a person emotionally abuses another person. These leave a long lasting effect on the victim.

How to identify an abusive relationship?

The person being abused would not be able to identify the symptoms, they will be denial but it is vital to understand that none of this is their fault. They need to get out of the relationship for their own safety. They require the support of their family and friends.

Warning signs of an abusive relationship:

  • Harms you physically by either pulling, grabbing, shaking, hitting etc.

  • Lack of empathy

  • Defining another with kindness.

  • Provocative behaviour with another person

  • Being competitive

  • Discounting the feelings of the victim

  • Withholding and withdrawing

  • Demands to know the victim’s location at all times

  • Overly jealous if the victim shows interest in family or friends

  • Jokingly puts down the victim publicly

The victim will keep clinging on to the relationship while being in complete denial. Their common excuse being “He/She gave me gifts after the episode, they made me feel special, it was just out of anger. It is a phase, I just need to support them.”

These are not the victim’s words, they are ‘gaslighting’, i.e, they are saying what the abuser wants them to say and feel. The abuser has made them feel inferior and that it is not the abuser’s fault that they are being treated that way. The victims often believe that whatever is happening to them is because they are worthy of that kind of a treatment only.

Signs that a friend is being abused:
·Sudden, unreasonable withdrawal
·Unexplainable wounds or bruises on them
·Low self-esteem and maximum levels of self-doubt
·Excessive guilt for no apparent reason
·Sudden change in behaviour

Every victim needs help from their friends and family to be able to successfully recover from the relationship. It will be very tough for them to be able to walkout of the relationship because they very strongly believe that this relationship is the most that they deserve.

The victim needs medical help regardless of any physical wound. Abusive relationships take a toll on the person both physically and mentally.

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Profile of Joel Jacob
Joel Jacob  •  4y  •  Reply
Written very well😄
Profile of Venkataragavan Venkatasubramaniam
Venkataragavan Venkatasubramaniam  •  4y  •  Reply
Good write Aishwarya👍👍