Signs Of Toxic Behavior In A Relationship

This post was developed via a partnership with BetterHelp.

Any relationship can become toxic. In fact, it is exactly the love and adoration we feel for our partners that can make it so hard to recognize and leave a toxic relationship. But by knowing the signs, we can prevent a toxic relationship from descending into something worse.

Constantly Criticizing Or Putting Your Partner Down

Your partner should make you a better, stronger, happier person. Every relationship has its struggles, and your partner should absolutely feel comfortable telling you how they feel when something is wrong. But if the criticism is constant, then it could mean that your partner is only trying to insult you or belittle you. They might do this because they want you to feel reliant on them to build you back up again.

Jealousy

If your partner uses jealousy as an excuse to control you, then it could be a sign of a toxic relationship. Some levels of jealousy are human, and you can talk to each other respectfully when you experience jealousy. But if your partner puts the onus on you, especially if you are not doing anything wrong, then the relationship could be becoming toxic. Remember that jealousy is not limited to the opposite sex. A toxic partner could be jealous of anyone you form a connection with, even your family members, and they could use their own jealousy as an excuse to insult them and distance you from them.

Issues With Addiction

If your partner promises you time and time again that they will stop using a certain substance, but they just can’t seem to quit, then they are likely dealing with some form of addiction. Addictions can be incredibly harmful for a relationship, and they can lead to many forms of toxicity.

Threatening with Self-Harm

Sometimes, certain mental health issues can cause people to feel as though they should use self-harm as a way to control their partner and keep their relationship together. These threats could be baseless or real. If your partner is threatening self-harm, they should speak to a therapist. If you are not a mental health professional, then you may not be qualified to deal with such heavy responsibilities and pain. 

Consider this resource from BetterHelp to learn more about BPD, a mental health disorder that can lead to that kind of toxic behavior: https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/personality-disorders/borderline-personality-disorder-treatment-Yes-there-is-help/

Neglect

If you are in a vulnerable time, such as during or right after a pregnancy, you might need high levels of care and attention. Being in a healthy relationship doesn’t just mean avoiding jealousy or emotional abuse, it can also mean being there for each other when we most need it. If your partner is neglecting you, ignoring you, or stonewalling you, then you could be in a toxic relationship. 

Embarrassing You In Front Of Others

Again, your partner should be there to build you up and celebrate you. If they embarrass you in public or laugh at you when something bad or humiliating happens to you, then they could be a toxic partner to you. 

Zero Accountability

Everyone messes up sometimes, and a key component of healthy relationships is being able to acknowledge and grow from those mistakes. If someone doesn’t have the maturity to recognize when they did something wrong, then it can be very hard to be in a relationship with them.

In that same vein, if they are always putting the blame on you for everything in their lives, that can get exhausting very quickly, and it can become detrimental to your mental health and the mental health of those around you.

Not Respecting Your Privacy

If you set a boundary in defense of your own privacy, and your partner repeatedly violates it, then they likely don’t respect the boundaries or the people who put them in place (you). A common example is reading all of your emails, messages, or social media DMs, which many couples consider to be a serious sign of a lack of trust in the relationship. 

Keeping Secrets

Perhaps you are noticing signs that your partner might not be being as honest as you previously thought. Perhaps they are intentionally putting distance between you or disappearing without telling you where they went. This could be a sign of toxicity, not in the sense of an overly-controlling abusive partner, but in the sense of a partner who is slipping away, and not offering you the emotional support that we all hope for from the people we love.

Unequal Responsibilities

Some people get divorced and find that they are actually doing less work than when they had a partner, even though, in theory, the two adults in a relationship should be able to contribute equally, or at least close to equally. But sometimes people don’t want to change or do any extra work with their partner; they just want to keep living the same life as before, just now with someone to serve them. Relationships like that can quickly become draining for the person expected to simply adapt to the life of the other, and it can be toxic in its own way.