Married, But Not Looking Married

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Vishakha Rai
May 13, 2019   •  12 views

I am an Indian woman, got married on 9th December 2017. So when I was a teenager, a lot of my cousins were getting married. Seeing them change after marriage was always a point of the question in my mind. I used to always ask why a female needs to change so much just because she got married. And if marriage asks for so many changes I am not in for it. I am feminist in that manner as I used to always question why a woman has to change the way she dresses up, behaved or lived and not men. This used to be a very serious conversation between me and my husband. And he was like I didn’t make any of these rules and I don’t mind you dressing up the way you used to do before marriage. And he was right he actually likes me dressing the way I used to. So when I got married everyone expected me to dress up in a certain way like in a saree and with the maximum amount of gold jewelry so that people can know that I have gold jewelry. And now when I actually don’t dress up the way they expect married women to be then I get a lot of backlashes and especially from the members of the family of my in-laws. And those members are basically women. So I don’t know why women actually create a problem for other women. We should be supporting each other or making each other’s life easier. Don’t you think women are made for that “to make like easier”? So I actually started ignoring all of that and just lived how I wanted to live. My first priority after marriage was that I wanted to live exactly like how I used to live before marriage. And I made sure to tell this to my then boyfriend now husband and he actually wanted the same. So now what I see is that I am enjoying my life the way I used to. No complains no hatred and no adjustments. If all of this is kept or done for a longer period, it doesn’t bring positive results. I am just saying that marriage is a part of life, it doesn’t ask for you to change the way you are. So please stay real. And I want to discuss one more point that I had received is that if you will dress up like this how will people know that you are married. What if, some guy harasses you? How will he know you are married? And my answer to all those questions is my close ones know that I am married, my husband knows, my parents and relative knows about my marriage. And a rapist doesn’t rape a girl after looking if she is married or not. The solution of rapes is not dressing up in a certain way, it’s teaching men how to treat a woman.

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