On Dealing With A Dearth Of Self-Love

Loving others comes as easy to us as breathing. If there is one thing that makes us human, it is the same love. But as we cope with the struggles of routine and reserve compartments of love for the people in our life, we often forget one of the most important things that make life worth living – loving yourself.

A study presented by Păunescu et. al in 2013 backed the argument that individuals have a stronger interpersonal component which causes them to love others than the intrapersonal component which causes them to love themselves. Where are we going wrong? And when exactly did we start believing that it was okay to bury self-love under seemingly acceptable rationalizations?

The one advice people usually give in this regard is to treat yourself the way you would a best friend or a close family member. Would you call them stupid if they made a mistake or encourage them to learn from said mistake? All you need to do is be compassionate to yourself. Your mistakes don’t define your entire life path. In fact, as teachers usually say, “If you don’t have doubts, it probably means one of two things – either you understood it completely or not at all.” The case with making mistakes is similar – you either carry them around with a heavy burden on your back or make use of them.

When your thoughts mold into ugly versions of self-hatred, be kind to your mind. If criticism is harsh to the ears, negative thoughts are harsh to the mind. Self-love begins with self-care and your mind needs as much care as does your body. So, in a moment of weakness, when you hear your inner voice going haywire with statements like, “You could have done better,” or “You will never be successful,” along with a list of many, many more, you must take control and replace those very negative perceptions with their polar opposites so that “You could have done better” becomes “That was a good attempt. Maybe next time we can try harder.”

It sounds simple coming from someone else’s mouth, or someone’s else keyboard in this case, but it is not simple and you of all people know that. So what is the simplest thing you can add to your routine to learn to love yourself?

Compliment yourself. Stare into the mirror and, no matter how long it takes, conjure up a compliment and voice it out loud. It could be as basic as “I am glad you took a bath this morning” to more heavy-duty tasks like “You went out of your way to get an injured stray dog treated by the veterinarian and I am proud of you for that.” It could be for your physical appearance or something more intrinsic.

It certainly seems like a very difficult thing to do but your journey is a long one and you can only start with baby-steps. The more frequently you find it in you to practice these techniques, the easier it will become until one day that love for who you are becomes your reason for waking up in the morning.

All you need to know is that it is never too late to love yourself.