I remember I have been scribbling things for my mother since my hands got hold of pencils. I still try to pluck out stars from heaven to beautify whatever I write but lately I have realized that every sane person among us feels the same and knows it already.
They just are what they are.
Some godly mortals are placed on pedestals too high to be defined by the words of a common one.
I remember the times when I had hit the rock bottom and shut myself off from literally everything, be it food, studies or people and I also remember my mother sobbing and telling me, "Anything unhealthy that comes for you will have to go through me first". I swear I had never felt so much pain and so much ferocity in one statement.
I haven't said her thank you for her words or for her love ever.
I just assume, she knows.
I assume she knows that she is the only reason I survived that dark spectrum that I had thrown myself in.
I see an ocean of love surging endlessly in her eyes that can drown every possible grief that I am hit with, I assume she knows I'll do that for her too.
When the entire world tries to show me what's wrong with me, she shows me what's still right.
When everything around is crashing and it gets too heavy to carry, I see her in front of me ready to pick me up the moment I hit the ground.
She stands calmly to gather and put me back the moment I break down and fall apart. And not just me, rather the family that breathes on her.
She will shift plates underneath us to make us stand stable even if it drains everything out of her.
When I reached my house everyday after school, I wasn't home until I felt her presence within the walls of my own. And how strange it is that no matter what the height of my walls is and how much I try to hide, she will make them crumble to dirt with one touch. If that's not magic then I don't know what is !
In a life full of uncertainties, she's the only one who will stick around as long as her heart beats. With bones so magically filled with the universe itself, she carries the entire family upon her shoulders.
She has given me wings that refuse to drop their flight once begun.
She has taught me how to breathe strength.
Hundred times I must have tried to describe a mother's love and hundred times, I have failed.
A creature so selfless you will never see, who chooses to stand in front of us when faced with difficulties and chooses to stand back when you shine your way through, gleaming with immense joy as you succeed.
A person who will multiply your joy and reduce your pain to nil.
A different galaxy exists in her lap where there's no place for worries.
A goddess residing among us and so perfectly disguised that she herself forgets to recognize and stand to her worth at times.
I love how I fail to keep myself away from her grace even when I easily shut the entire world out.
A heart so small yet powerful enough to bring my worries down to dust by weakening them to their knees.
I have dealt with the world speaking of kindness while knowing nothing of it and I have stayed with her who shows me every ounce of kindness a human heart can carry without even saying it.
When softness was leaving me, she taught me how important it was to prevent it from spilling out.
When the chaos inside made me halt, she fuelled me with love and made me rise again.
When I felt life was an option that might not be very fitting to choose, she introduced me to the strength and will which I never knew I carried within.
With a mind so indestructible, she made the entire family survive through the grief-stained days when nothing seemed to go right. In shadows of haunting silence where nothing felt like home and she herself was tearing apart, she spined up everyone else.
She was the foundation upon which I built myself.
Everything that I am is because of her. She taught me the ways of this world lending me her own wings sometimes. I am so proud of everything that she is.
On the grounds of her love, we have created our sweet home.
As a person, she taught me never to say ill of others even when the tongue is hyped with anger and I am learning to carry that trait the best I can.
I am learning how important her words are to run relationships with humans.
I never tend to tell her of all the insecurities that have lately made a home out of me, I hope I'll tell her soon.
I don't remember the last time I said 'I love you' to her directly, I assume she knows I do, more than anything else in this world. No amount of writing will justify her but I carve my heart here in an attempt to make them see what she has been to me and it's a fact that no matter what I do, I can never match her intensity of love.
I assume, in fact, I know this is something she is already aware of.
To the woman whom I owe everything, I love you.
X.
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