Chasing The Rainbow (?) 🏳️‍🌈

It was past noon and it felt as if the temperature was raising with every strike on the clock. We were walking through the corridor with hands over each other's shoulder, our faces sweating and giggling.

I neglected the heat and I was watching him as my lame jokes cracked him up in laughter. I admired how his eyes sleeked with joy.

I like how his face glows in my presence and I love how mine does in his.
It was during this moment, while we were drunk on madness when we bumped into her or more precisely, she bumped into us. My face took a reddish tint at once and very evidently, I was not blushing; whilst his face returned to its normalcy.

They shook hands as they always did, coldly from his side and tightly from hers. One could tell she was not happy with just the handshake. There had been awkward instances where she galloped on him for a hug and he just brushed her off.

Maybe, she is now learning the truth.
The only thing I know is that I have a pretty incomprehensible disliking for her.
He doesn't hate her but it's quite certain that he doesn't like her either and that is perhaps one of the most calming facts my mind knows.

She is just a casual acquaintance for him.
Sometimes, I feel bad for her because I know how it feels when one wants something so dearly in one's life but it just can't happen and there's absolutely nothing they can do about it.

I wish we could make people love us with the same intensity we love them but those are just wishes that the heart creates.

I have noticed how her eyes shine when she is talking to him and I have also noticed how stable and dull his eyes are, while talking to her.

Her glow shuts down at his cold response and every time it happens, something inside of me screams too.

Just now, as they are talking, I can sense it is going to happen again, he will rip off her excitement as always and I'll watch it happen indifferently while my bones pinch me from the inside.

I never wanted to dislike her and I have tried a million times to preach my mind that it's not her fault to fall and I've failed a million times to be approximate.

Sharing things that are dear to me has never been my trait.
At a distance, I see her best friend trying her best to listen to them talking. She's a complicated one and on almost all the days, you can find her somewhere around us. Either she spies on us or she is just flat-out creepy. Whatever the case maybe, we have found ourselves in awkward situations because of her.

Till now, the heat of the afternoon was at least bearable but not anymore. Their presence was infuriating me. I could feel my skin singeing or maybe it was my heart. I don't know.

I stood beside them, listening to their chatter having partial enthusiasm.
“It is time”, I said to myself as I heard him wrapping up, “Now, we can fidget in peace again”, I thought and sighed.

They exchanged a formal smile as if they were not friends but dealers and yet again, something flicked my heart.

One could simply tell by the look in her eyes that she wanted more, so much more.
I didn't like it but I didn't want to correct things either.
I wonder what she thinks of me. I talk nicely to her but I know she must have sensed I don't like talking to her.

She crosses him and gives me a sweet smile every time, as if she doesn't know what's going on inside my head; no one would give me a smile if they did.

One can notice a sense of defeat in her voice everytime she bids him a goodbye, a strange failure.
I sometimes want to scream into her face that she deserves much better, she deserves the world for how kind she is yet she is wasting her time on this stone heart.

Does she realize this?
Maybe, someday, I will scream what i have kept rolled back at the back of my tongue.
For the better, I hope she discovers it herself.
Now, she's on her way and we are on ours and I listen to him as he says,” Thank God, she's gone! ”.
I want to hit him in the face but I don't, instead I smile back and pretend as if he never said that in front of me.

We carry on with our senseless talks once again as I throw the very same incident and her grim face somewhere at the back of my mind and start walking with an unnatural pulled up smile.

Some part of me wants her to really get him while the other mocks me for ruining that 0.0001% of a chance that I might be having.

I look at him and I see everything that I have ever wanted, maybe I will let him know what I feel or maybe I'll succumb myself to the immense pain I go through everyday because of the words I've been swallowing.

Every prayer and every breath of mine carries his name and the fact that I can't even let him know all of this, sets fire to my insides.

I have a feeling that he knows it all by the level of intimacy that we share or maybe he takes me as 'just a best friend'. The only thing I want is him to stay and I know I can't risk that by exposing everything as of now.

Like someone wise once said, 'half a bread is better than none'.
For now, we are waltzing again in the corridors as I look for my joy in his smile, while he keeps his hand around my shoulders and holds mine around his.

X.