Understanding Love-The Mere Existence

They ask me if I have ever loved, and I close my eyes and remember the feeling that I have been feeling for the past 20 years of my life. I have never let someone in, and that has hurt me. But, do you know what will hurt me me more? When I will let someone in, and they'll love me and then leave me at some point, and I feel that it is terrible to be left like that. People take you to the sky, and then they drop you. They say that everyone should experience a heartbreak once, but I have heard the cries and mourns and I have seen the light in their eyes turning into darkness, as if they are just breathing but they aren't alive anymore. They tell me that love and heartbreaks teach you lessons, but tell me if it is worth it. Tell me if an ache in your heart, if a feeling in your heart that shatters you apart is worth a lesson? No one should be hurt like that.

So, I am here sitting and clinging to music, to poetry, to cinema, to paintings, to books, to writing, to quotes, to mountains and oceans. And I have this feeling that someone somewhere would be feeling exactly the same. And someday, this won't be hurting. You and I, we crave for the most simple things in the world and we end up being tied with all the messiness that we do not need. All we needed was a hand to hold, a hand that would never let us go. We are so scared that we might not know what the future has for us, so we tend to give in to all situations thinking that it might be the best option for us. We settle for mediocrity, we settle for people who aren't capable of loving us. We know how uncertain life is but we tend to forget that it is the only sure thing that we know about life. The uncertainty doesn't scare me anymore, but I will never risk my calm for every storm that hits me. So I am here, listening to the music, looking at the sky, and patiently waiting for the moment, patiently waiting for a love that feels right. And until I don't find him, I will cling myself to music, to poetry, to cinema, to paintings, to books, to writing, to quotes, to mountains and oceans. I will soak myself in all these colors of arte and life, and one day I will find someone who feels exactly the same, and I will know that it is not okay to be without love, not anymore.