4 Ways To Know If You've Had A Toxic Childhood

There comes a point in everyone's life that they sit back, evaluate why they are the way they are and choose whether you're proud of what you became. And if you're not, much like a lot of people, you're gonna wonder why.

Sometimes, most of the times, the reason is you've cultivated habits due to your childhood. See, I won't lie, no one's childhood is perfect: parents are people and so are children; there's no saying the best parenting will work or the worst will ruin a kid.

But mostly it does reach it's effect, the magnitude being relatively near. So how do you know if your childhood was one of the reasons for this, even if it seems like it isn't that way?

1) You were neglected emotionally, physically or mentally.

Physically? No brainer. If the person who was supposed to take care of you never did, it's obviously going to effect you deep.

But emotionally and mentally? Let me give you an example. Take a child who tries to spend time with a really busy parent. Sure, the mother or father could have tons of reasons why they can't spend time but if the kid grows up their entire life with their parents gone, they won't do that well.

Or another example, one that seems less
obvious. Let's take a kid who is LGBTQ+ and their family is homophobic instead. Now, the child grows up their entire life trying to conceal some part of themselves, knowing they will get no support and that it'll just become worse and having to deal with all of this themselves.

Now that is toxic.

2) Unnecessarily showing too much of emotions and attention but not about you

Take a parent who spills her burdens on her kid. That isn't bad, is it?

Wrong. Exposing your kid to inappropriate discussions and ranting over and over again is making them parent you. Especially if you neglect their own needs.

Example? Look no further. Take a parent going through a divorce. Tough, right? But the parents starts shit talking the other parent to the kid, eventually making the kid console the parent a lot till it turns into the kid trying to be a make shift therapist for this parent.

3) Projecting their insecurities on you

Yeah, I know, this might seem like it isn't the parent's fault. But it is. Would you excuse it if it happened to someone else?

For example, raising a kid with a lifetime of eating disorders by focusing the kid to watch their weight and develop the idea that their happiness comes from being skinny. All because the mother has struggled with her own body image her whole life.

That sounds intense, no? How could someone even manage to do that? That's easy. Take a child, place her under care from an authoritity figure but have her hear these types of statements: “Are you sure you want to eat that, your thighs already look pretty chunky.”, “That type of top won't look good on you, your stomach isn't flat enough.”, “Those pants make your bum look big, it's already big, are you sure you want to be fat?” , “No sweets or junk food, you're already really fat.”

What about an already obese child, you ask. Well, it's more so in the phrasing and dealing of the situation that turns it from helpful to just toxic. Fat shaming and making the person feel guilty causes it to be toxic.

4) Guilt tripping

This is a huge one- by doing this they’re just teaching their kid that giving in to guilt is okay. This is an important skill to learn and if these kids don’t, they are usually subjects to toxic relationships and friendships later.

What I mean to say, and have been saying throughout this article, no matter what happens before or after- abuse is abuse. Whether you choose to forgive them or resent them, it's up to you.