7 Healthy Ways To Let Anger Out

This post was developed via a partnership with BetterHelp.

Psychologists believe that everyone feels emotions, and you can either let them out through unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as an addiction or saying or doing hurtful things, or you can (through a process called sublimation) let those feelings out in healthy ways.

While we once thought that people could handle anger by engaging in behaviors like screaming or punching a pillow, more modern mental health care professionals think that actions like that actually serve to exacerbate anger. 

In reality, it is more helpful to find healthy ways to let out your anger, instead of relishing in it.

If you worry that your anger might stem from an anger disorder, then check out this resource from BetterHelp for more information: https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/anger/understanding-intermittent-explosive-disorder-and-how-to-treat-it/ 

1. Athletics

You’ve probably heard a million times that athletics can help release feel-good hormones, and it’s true! The next time you start to feel rage, consider taking a step back from the situation and going for a run or even just doing some sit-ups in the basement. Instead of falling into bad habits, which can be harmful for our relationships, use that rage to move your body and shake it all out.

2. Being Honest With Yourself

Many of the most resentful, harmful behaviors that we see people engage in come from people who were unable to recognize that they were angry or jealous. Instead of being honest with themselves and others about those very real human emotions, they pretend that their anger is always justified and wield it as a weapon. The first step to controlling your anger will be to engage in metacognition, that is, thinking about thinking. Recognize your personal thought patterns so you can rise above them. If you are in an argument, for example, tell the person with you honestly: I am angry. I need some time to relax so I can come back to this with a clear mind.

3. Stick Up For Yourself, But Later

Sometimes in the heat of the moment, we can be passive-aggressive or even cruel. This makes situations much worse, not better. If you feel yourself turning red, take some time away from the situation, but don’t let that resentment fester. When you are more calm and logical, return to the conversation and assertively, but respectfully, explain why you became so angry in the first place.

4. Relax Your Muscles, One-By-One

Mindfulness techniques, like body relaxation, can help you tone down the storm inside. For example, focus on tensing up your toes, then releasing the tension. Do that a few times. Then do the same with your calves, your thighs, your butt, your core, your arms and hands, and even your face. After going through this whole process, you might be surprised to find that you are no longer harboring so much tension. 

5. Separate Yourself From Your Emotions

You are not the emotions that you feel. Just because you feel intense anger, that does not automatically mean that the anger is justified. Don’t act out of anger, because later when you are calmed down and thinking more logically, you might regret it. Use mindfulness techniques to ensure that you don’t become a puppet controlled by your emotions, and instead you take complete control over the way you feel.

6. Focus On Solutions

Anger can make us focus solely on the anger itself. It can even make us think of all the reasons that we feel angry so that it can continue to justify itself. Instead, start thinking about solutions. Think about how you can revitalize the situation, or move on from it, or get yourself out of it. If you are arguing with someone, remember that it is the two of you against the problem, not the two of you against each other.

7. Find A Quiet Place In Your Brain

While you are calm, start to develop a quiet and kind environment. This can look different for everyone. Maybe a place from your childhood stands out, or perhaps it is a fictional environment of your own creation: a cabin in the mountains, or a pleasant day at the beach. Take a moment to develop this environment, thinking of what it looks like, smells like, and feels like to be there. Think of the comfort it brings you.

Now, let’s consider the cast of characters. Think of the completely loving and understanding face of someone who has offered you unconditional love. Maybe it’s a grandparent, a mom, or even a pet. Place them there with you and think of how you might interact with them. If you are having trouble thinking of someone, you could also be completely alone, or with a cute animal.

Develop this place so specifically (the scene, the story behind it, how you fit into it) that whenever you need it, you can step into it at a moment's notice. If you worry about unpleasant emotions encroaching upon this space, then consider placing it in your mind behind various protective barriers, such as a wall, a moat, or even a series of doors. 

Ultimately, just know that this is your space, and you can meditate on it so profoundly that you can go there whenever you need to be protected from the storm of your anger.