To Mom..

To the moms out there,

I know we haven't been in a very good place recently with me acting all grown up. But there is a part of me that never wants to grow up and be your little girl forever. You'll always be my go to person mom no matter how old I grow up to be. I'll always need you at the end of a hard day. I've always felt safer in your arms and that is not going to change no matter what happens. There are days when all I want is for you to put me to sleep and fix my broken self back together.

I know I've grown up. It's time for me to face the world all by myself. And I'm excited and scared at the same time. I don't know how you did that. But mom you're the person I want to grow up to be. I've grown admiring your strength and determination. Not a day passes by without me feeling proud of you in one way or the other. I've never spoken it out loud. But I love you. More than everything and everyone else in this world. You've made me ready to face the society alone but I still wish you could still lead me alongthe same way you did on my first day school.

I know I've been cold and distant and disappointing at times but on all those days there wasnothingmore that I wanted than to come apologize or run into your arms and hide in there. You're my solid ground. Always . You are the one I come running to when I'm scared. I trust you with my life mom because you're the reason I'm here and I'm glad you're mine. It may not seem like it. But I do. I've always admired you . You've always been my inspiration but I'll deny it till the day I die ifI’m confronted about it. But there, I said it. I want to be like you. Nothing more and nothing less. And I've got no idea what it is between our Egos and us.

Mom . You're my best friend. But there are things that I can't talk to you about because I'm afraid you'll freak me out. I know you care about me but mom sometimes your protectiveness drives me crazy and we end up yelling at each other. Its' bitter at that point of time but as I think back now, that is how our relationship has evolved ever since I saw this world. I cry, you soothe me. I run, you ground me. I get scared, you give me hope. I hide, you bring me light. I win, you stand by me. I lose, you stand for me. I fall, you lift me up. You've always been there and I know by now that you always will. And I'm glad you are.

I don't know how you find it in yourself to forgive me and come forward to fix things no matter how many times I mess things up between us. I know I haven't been the ideal daughter. But mom, I try. I really do. And one day I'll make you proud. I'll learn to fix myself just like you do and you can finally be free. And until that day mom please tolerate me. You're the one I trust to not let go of me. You're the one I believe that won't get washed away by my emotions. You're the one that I trust to stay back and ground me after an emotional rollercoaster. That iswhy I do what I do. Because I know you aren't going to leave me like most people do. But mom, believe me when I sayI'll fix this all one day and I know you'll be there with me for every single step I take until that day finally arrives.

You're the one person that never breaks my heart no matter how many times I break yours. You're the balm to my aching heart and the glue to fix my broken pieces and for what its' worth , I can't find enough wordsto thank you. I know you'll tell me I've no reasons to thank you.I could even see you giving me your typical I roll that says 'what the hell is going on with you'. But mom, Thanks. Thanks for being my mom and everything you do/did and going to do for me. But its' never going to be enough.

And mom I love you. And I will cherish you and our memories for as long as I live . No matter what changes I’ll love you Mom just as fiercelyand unconditionallyas you do me . And I'm proud of you Mom. Ifsomeone deserves a Womens' day wish its' you obviously. So here we go.

Love,

Mommy’sgirl.