Betrayal: The Experience

Human life is all about experience. In our very short life, we get to experience the world in our own way. In those ways, there are a countless amount of conflicts, heartbreaks and betrayals that are full of life-changing lessons. Sometimes, some of those lessons embedded big scars in our life. A scar, that is not possible to ignore and forget. 'Betrayal' is one such experience. The sad part is it never comes from your adversaries. The pain, when you get betrayed by someone you love, care and respect is something unexplainable. It's hard, harsh and painful. We trust people and they broke our trust. We often say that death is the only loss we go through. That's not the truth, there are other forms of loss that devastate us and somehow it makes us feel worse than death. The loss here sometimes is when someone breaks your trust for their own self-interest or for some other reasons.

Thoughts after a betrayal

When a person gets betrayed, so many thoughts crowded their mind. Some get angry, some get shocked, some even blame their own selves for trusting. One thing which is similar in all the cases is the 'hurt'. The amount of damage a betrayal can cause is incomparable. It is a hard pill to swallow.

Take an example, when people betray you feel angry, hurt and so many negative emotions. It not only cause damage to the ability to trust a person in future but also coerced us to think if somehow this is our own doing. In my case, I blame myself. I get concerned and overthink. Believing that this is my fault and I must have done something for which, the outcome is their betrayal.

I know it sounds crazy and abnormal but this is the scenario in my case, a point where I am not able to come with the terms that I got betrayed by someone.

It can cause a devastating effect on your physical health as well. The pain of betrayal can be felt from a very young age, with the years it becomes more painful and harsh. When we were 2 or 3 years old, we felt betrayed when our parents even after promising us chocolates or some cute toys didn’t provide us with one. When we remember these sort of things as adults we laugh it out and termed ourselves as silly. Although at a young age, this event is the reason of our pain and sometimes crying our heart out. The more we get older, the pill of betrayal becomes bigger. While in playschool, when your bench partner even after promising to sit with you, abandoned you and sit with someone else; that’s a kind of betrayal. When you’re a teenager and your ‘close friend’ somehow let out a confidential secret of yours to someone else; that is also a betrayal. When you step into your adulthood, the betrayal becomes more and more harsh. Now is the time, where it feels like you are dying and will not be able to live after this. It is time for the bigger ones. Cheated by your friend, so-called life partner or relatives. Lied by your parent or closest friends. Denied by your parents to follow your own dreams. Friends breaking the promise of loving and caring for you forever no matter what. It can be anything.

Try to understand the situation 

Do you know what’s the craziest thing? It’s that after getting betrayed most of us are like, why me? We never try to understand the opposite person, their reasons and their feelings. We dwell in self-pity so much that we lose the ability to reason. I am not saying that we are wrong and we got what we deserve. No one deserves to get betrayed, no one. It’s just that, sometimes we need to see the world while being in their shoes. Why your parents didn’t provide you with the chocolate at your young age? Maybe they thought it’s not good for your teeth. Just like that. It’s not easy to trust someone else after a betrayal but life was never easy, right?

Live and learn

There is the mantra, Forgive but never forget. Use it. There will come a point where it will feel like everything is over but that is the time to hold on. Although one also needs to learn, when to let go. After all, you are your own first and foremost priority. You must free yourself from all the hinges which are going to affect you and cease you to move forward in your life. Our experience teaches us to be a better person. Betrayal is also an experience. Don’t dwell on it more than it deserves. Your existence is more than that. You are more than that. Be the bigger person and forgive but never forget the experience. Never forget what it teaches you.