Patriarchal Hypocrisy

"The most common perception dished out to male survivors is that they may have enjoyed it."

On April 26^th 2018, a 14-yr old boy committed suicide in Mumbai by drinking rat poison. He did not drink the poison because he did not study well or had familial pressure. The whole society killed him slowly and the society is killing more such men.

The Indian society protects and shields and respects men, views them gods who can not go wrong or as those humans who cannot be ill-treated. Men are those creatures who at all costs can defend themselves from evil and can never be perceived as victims and that too not as victims of women. This is the highest level of hypocrisy the Indian society can display on one hand it gives the upper hand to men and on the other it does not go for his support when he needs it the most.

This hypocritical society made the young boy believe that “Men do not cry”, “Men do not get abused, they only abuse”, “Men can’t be weak, i.e. emotional”, “Men can only be rigid and strong”. The young boy was lured into a room by a man who raped him brutally the boy then narrated the incident to his mother in sobs who did not pay heed to him but said : “You are a man you will get over this, we can’t go the police for this”. His father also asked the young boy who might not have even understood what had happened to him to suck it up and be man. This incident came to light only because the boy not knowing what to do killed himself!!

Recently our Honourable Prime Minister Shri Narendra Modi had passed an ordinance saying death penalty for raping girls below 12 and increased the minimum punishment for raping a girl below 16. This is one of the most awaiting judgements, it is the most necessary law considering that India is the most dangerous for a woman to live in but it is gender biased.

The punishment for raping a minor boy is 10 years while for a young girl it is 20 years incarceration. The only form of harassement recognized by the Indian government against an adult male is sodomy and that too came into effect only after the legalisation of Section 377.

1 in 6 men have been sexually abused or assualted

Insia Dariwala owns a foundation that raises awareness for child sex abuse she said to the Reuters,“I have interacted with adult male survivors and social workers who have cited police hostility, ridicule and even lack of trust when it comes to believing that a boy was sexually abused. The most common perception dished out to male survivors is that they may have enjoyed it.”

In a 2007 survey by the Ministry of Women and Child Development, which sampled 12,447 children and found that more than half of them faced sexual abuse and in them 53% of the victims were boys.

Men are also subject to domestic violence. If this comes as a shock to you then the world has a long way to go in protecting both men and women equally.

“Men are stronger and hit their wives, but women ask other men to hit their husbands like their brothers, father or hired goons.” Says Anil Kumar a social researcher. Both female and male victims find it tough to get away from the abuser but for the man the stakes are higher, he faces the threat of being separated from his children and also of being accused of false charges of dowry or domestic violence which will spoil his reputation forever and all of his loved ones will turn their backs on him.

I will here narrate two real life stories of men who suffered at the hands of the women around them whom they trusted. I will not reveal their names due to privacy reasons.

33- yr old man from Mumbai faced a similar predicament when his marriage came crashing down in just three months. His wife hired goons and attacked his whole family. He says “My wife accused me of impotency and demanded money. She demanded 1 crore for a divorce. My father somehow brought the amount down to 35 lakh and as per the agreement we agreed to pay her 15 lakhs before the divorce and the rest after the divorce but she started demanding more and more cash so I went underground for sometime.”

Another man from Bangalore went to the police to report his domestic violence case but was horribly ridiculed by the police officers and was told that a case would be filed against him for domestic violence on his wife by him. This humiliation pushed him to his edge and unfortunately he took his own life.

Abuse against men is that reality of India that has always been neglected. The Save Indian Family Foundation meets once a week every week and the demands of the men are very simple “There must be a gender neutral misuse clause in the Domestic Violence Act so that no other man has to undergo what they did.

This is how the men of our country are treated. Every time we see a man and go he does not look like a man because he does not look strong or because he likes the colour pink or yellow and not blue or black or because he can not drive or because he does not like action packed films but likes romantic films or when he says he does not like to play outdoors or because he just cried, we are being judgemental and stereotypical and worse of all a reason for his depression.

Women all over the world have taken to the roads to fight against the injustice and the suppression that they have for ages been subjected to. Women are asking for various rights and exceptions and privileges. Woman have broken the cruel gender prisons they were imprisoned at but failed to break the whole prison because they never realised that they are victims and also the abusers many a times.

A man passing comments on a woman is seen as a pervert but a woman who constantly sexualises men is seen as widening her horizons. A woman can not be arrested after sunset and before sunrise, she need not be physically present in the police station for interrogation, she can register her complaint at any point of time even after a long time since the incident has happened, a sexual abuse complaint can be registered even if the doctor medically denies the possibility of rape but none of this applies to a man. He can be arrested at any time and humiliated in the middle of the road, even if he reports a sexual abuse incident he is ridiculed and his very nature, his manhood his questioned.

Our society might be Patriarchal i.e a society which favours men but men have always been neglected when it comes to serving them with justice. Women misuse their rights, the rights provided to them to protect themselves not to do harm to their spouses or any other man they have a vengeance on or because they are plain greedy.

This is a social experiment done to record the reaction the public has when a man and a woman are abused. The responses will shock you to your very bones if male dignity is also of importance.

Women and men, regardless of their gender, need to be taught to respect each other and live together like civilised people spreading love and not hatred around the world.

It is high time now that the voices of the men of this country are heard because they have been crying in silence for long and they also need to be shown light at the end of their tunnels.