I Am? Loss Of Self Identity And Empty Narcissism

Loss of Identity Can Happen to Anyone

Ever felt , “I don’t know who I am anymore?”…..it can be terrifying, waking up one morning and feeling this huge gaping..a horrible emptiness that makes you feel sick to the stomach.

"What are you going to be when you grow up?"
This question requires you to know who you are. In some cultures freedom is given to the young people to choose an occupation whereas in certain other cultures the option of making this choice is not given to the children, parents decision is likely to be accepted by the children.

I Don’t Know Who I Am Anymore: grief and loss of identity

Identity is who you are and what your values, commitments and beliefs are.
Our primary task is to establish an identity separate from parents. In the process of achieving an identity we experience conflict with parents and within ourselves. Those of us, who can cope with conflicting identities develop new sense of self, and those who are not able to cope up with this identity crisis are confused.

This identity confusion according to psychologists can lead to individuals isolating themselves from peers and family. As those who have gone through long periods of isolation can attest without eye contact we begin to doubt our existence and descend into a deep depression.

What has been your experience?

If parents encourage us in our first efforts at independence, if they validate our need to feel strong and recognize our unique qualities, then our self image takes root and we can slowly build upon it. Deep narcissist have a sharp break in this early development and so they never quite construct a consistent and realistic feeling of a self. This alienation from the self identity results in narcissistic emptiness. This deficient emptiness makes us feel lost, with no centre, no orientation, no purpose, no meaning. It is the gap between our essential nature and who we take our self to be.

Who are you?

What are you?

How self love got out of control

Do you on one hand desire independence but may also be afraid of it and show a great deal of dependence on your parents?

In today's social media culture, frequent display of extreme self confidence which neatly covers our gaping emptiness and a fragmented sense of self, makes it difficult to concentrate on our work. Lacking self esteem we are prone to continually worrying about what others think of us. This makes it hard to actually focus attention outword for long periods and to deal with the impatience and anxiety that comes with work. Changing jobs and careers frequently becomes the nail in the coffin.

"Unable to get genuine recognition from our work we are thrown back into artificially stimulating attention."

People exist only as instruments for attention and validation. Constant attention is the only way of survival. Narcissism has no cohesive self to love which is this source of the problem. Even in crowd we remain essentially alone. People come to serve a function not to bond but accentuate our insecurities. As deep narcissism tends to sink us deeper, our connection to reality loosens and we are unable to really develop our work or our relationships.

So how do we find our self identity?

Creating a self that we can love is a healthy development and there should be no stigma attached to it. From stronger inner position we can turn our attention outward because this outward focus on the work makes us successful in our ventures.

Identity is searching for continuity, sameness in oneself. In early adulthood two major tasks are, exploring the possibilities for adults living and developing a stabilized structure. The twenties represent the novice space of adult development and transition from dependence to independence should occur. It is our responsibility to get a clear sense of who we are.