B D S M- Real V/S Fifty Shades

The first thing that crossed your mind when you read the title was Fifty Shades of Grey. Sure, Rihanna has a song dedicated to whips and chains but is that all BDSM is about? Its true that Mr. Grey (will see you now *wink*) has propelled the kink to a spotlight but if truth be told, the BDSM community is not really fond of the Fifty Shades franchise.

To elaborate, BDSM can be broken down into three main categories- Bondage/Discipline, Domination/Submission, Sadism/Masochism. This covers all the aspects of the kink. The people involved in it are called players.

To some words like “domination”, “sadism” etc might mean a power play and even abuse both physical and emotional but in reality, that’s not the case. As long as the players involved are consenting adults who are communicating what they want and deriving satisfaction, it is possible to combine power, pleasure and pain to form a healthy mix.

To start off, lets see what Aftercare means, a concept Fifty Shades left in its entirety. Aftercare refers to the time and attention that the partners give to each other after the experience, talking about what they felt and what they wanted, making sure their partner feels appreciated and cared for.

Actually, there are a lot of aspects that Fifty Shades left. Here are some myths about BDSM that need to be busted NOW-

Myth #1- It is for emotionally unstable people

BDSM practitioners are not unstable. They are just as sane as you. Just because Cristian Grey was scarred doesn’t mean that that’s how it starts. An Australian Health study shows that couples who enjoy some form or other of BDSM are actually happier than couples who are not up for experimentation. There is no hard evidence to connect the psychotic mind with getting turned on by handcuffs and ropes.

Myth #2- BDSM is a way to get violent

Stop right there! You are wrong!! When people picture a BDSM scene (yes that’s what it is called), they associate it with aggressive behaviour and man-handling. This is simply not true. The dominant although called so doesn’t run the world. It’s the submissive that holds the ropes and controls the relationship. There is a huge difference between sadism/masochism and physical abuse. What people fail to realise is that love and affection actually form a very important part of a BDSM relationship.

Myth #3- Men are dominant, women have to submit

This is just patriarchy, my friend. In a BDSM relationship, generally speaking there is a dominant (or dom) and a submissive (also called a sub). But what people forget is that these roles are not gender defined. A female dominant is called a dominatrix (lets take a moment to remember Irene Adler). The dom/sub roles can also be switched depending upon what they want.

Myth #4- Its all about pain

Pain and pleasure can be thought of as two sides of the same coin. Although the porn industry would have you believe that pain of one becomes pleasure of the other, it is totally wrong. BDSM is all about vulnerability and opening yourself to your partner. It involves massive amount of trust. It is true that there is a part of BDSM that involves pain but if that is not your cup of tea move on to other parts like tickling or blindfold. As they say, to each their own!

Myth #5- No means Keep Going

For all those whose first encounter with the concept of BDSM was while engaging with Fifty Shades, lets elaborate on a concept of consent. It is a common misunderstanding amongst people that once someone consents to get physical, they can’t take back their consent. That is just downright WRONG! This rule also applies to BDSM practices. It doesn’t matter if the sub decided to go ahead with the act before but he/she can very easily ask the dom to stop whenever he/she wants. As mentioned, it’s the sub that moves the game- a fact Fifty Shades ignored so hard, the skies turned grey.

So now that we got these myths out of the way, its time to realise that BDSM can be fun if done right (and no we don’t mean the Fifty Shades Style). So, go ahead, start experimenting and spice up your love life!