Broken = Beautiful

I was hurt.
I was hurt really bad.
I had surrendered to my anger and I had decided to quench my revenge thirst.
It had overpowered everything and I convinced myself that revenge was the only elixir I needed.
I prepared myself to break them.
With all my words and weapons sharpened, I was ready. I was elated with my mind deemed to hurt them to the same extent as they hurt me.

I almost did it when something came and stood in between.
In that mental chaos, I saw this stranger's face in front of me, it was mine.
I could see him begging me to stop.
I could feel him being defeated right in front of me.
His legs were trembling with the thought of his present persona fading.
"He isn't like this!"
"He will not hurt anyone", he had promised to himself but what now?
"How could he turn away from his own promises?"
They keep resounding in my head until my head starts spinning with pain.
What was I going to do?
How could I even think of such an attack at someone whom I so openly claimed to love?
I cannot. I should not. I will not change.
I have to be the bigger person.
I will never let my anger surpass my compassion and my belief in love.
Being broken is a power too and I will learn to handle it. It is a tremendous torture to bear but I will embrace the cracks in my heart.

It is often the cracks that allow light to enter in the darkest of rooms.
All we need is to fall back and see the magic that still swirls inside.
Trust me, broken is beautiful too !
I can hurt them. I can break them just as easily but that will wipe out the difference between us.
I won't allow that to happen. I love them the same although I have this undying wish to hate them.
The last friendship of mine that collapsed was expected to take out something humane from me but it didn't work out, instead, I fell back stronger, with resolve, and I'm breathing here, still being irresistibly soft and still carrying the capability of being a sanctuary despite it all.

I believe that this is how it should work for all of us.
What others do will define them and what we do will define us.
As of now,
I am proud to be sensitive.
I take it as my power and I'm not ashamed of it anymore.
I'm finding new ways to rearrange my pieces.
I've still got time, you see.
I know it means nothing to them now.
My feelings are just as useless as yesterday's newspaper but my faith in them was unbreakable.
My mind churned numerous questions inside of me,
“What did I do?”
“Did I deserve this?”
I guess I know the answers, I always did, but I wanted to hear them from them, in their tongue.
Maybe then, I would have accepted the truth.
None of that matters now and none of it should have mattered back then as well.
It's said that the most heavily guarded walls can be crumbled only from the inside, maybe that was the only reason they entered in these chambers, to shatter it into the tiniest of pieces.

I was so ashamed of the way I fell apart.
But even the heavens crumble and who doesn't love a shooting star?
You see, this light in me might lose its’ intensity, it might come down to a mere fleck but it'll live, I will never let it fade out. With the rest of me collapsing, I will still hold up the torch.

Despite all the advice that I was given, the truth mauled in my face and the experiences that I had, I did not grow walls out of fear, I did not run, I did not turn into a stoneheart.

Through all of this, I am still me.
I've learned that kindness is the greatest asset one can carry and I intend to carry it as gracefully as I can.

I'll never abandon it, no matter what.
That's a promise.
To myself.
To everyone.

X.