"Phases Of Affection"

We all have experienced those butterflies in our stomachs. The music of those violins is still much alive in our heads. The first time when we saw the beauty of red roses. That fast thumping heart, that heavy breath. And that smile which hardly ever faded. We all have gone through this. Is this what they say love is? Or it's about something more, something much bigger, something deeper, something more complacent. Actually, it takes time to develop 'your' meaning of love. Love ripens, it forms various dimensions and licenses in one's life. It's never the same, it evolves with each passing day. 

Love was all rosy and shy when we were entering into it. It perhaps meant a lot of attention for us or just the "attention" for us. We were conscious of how we look while we talk, walk, smile and even cry for a matter of fact. Those frequent peek into the mirror, talking in front of it as to see how he finds us to be. We were all naive and filled up with lots of potentials to make mistakes and we did the same. The difference was that we did not possess an idea to deal with it. We were impatient and found love in those chocolates and the way they galvanized us with their gestures. Little did we know the meaning of staying and waiting. Perhaps that wasn't a misstep, we were noob and had to explore. It did hurt when the relation got tattered into pieces. Let the cat out of the bag, that feeling might still be hovering around. But, you are not ready to retrograde into it again.

You found your heart to be a little stronger this time. Not to melt too easy. It's all set to be particular about its own needs and greed. Your specifications are well enlisted but you couldn't stop falling in love again. Yes, he might be better but not the first. You are cautious and constantly ticking the checkboxes. Yes, you found the one. The days of the violin are back again but the music is little jazzy this time, it's more about how you feel alive again, how you got the right one. You feel a little more emerged this time. But the feeling of losing this again made you fall into the trap of being vulnerable. You gave it all, whatever you had and whatever you could forego. You are lovable, caring, forgiving and everything which can make you the perfect. But the fact that you loved and never got it back. You set the platter and forgot to lay your favorite dishes. You were left behind and what flagged was your weakness, your apprehensions, and the never-dying obstinacy to drag the dead. But it had to end and had to teach you the lesson of love. Indeed love doesn't necessarily mean being in love and learning the definition of it. It sometimes pulls you away and teaches the real meaning of it. 

Love is always the first. It doesn't matter how many times you failed. The one which teaches you the real meaning of it is what "first love" is. It's not just about feeling the pain but to alleviate it. It's not just about happy and merry days, it's about standing tall when the storm arrives. It's not just about the time spent blabbering but the peaceful silence. It's not at all about making brouhaha of anything and everything but to sit in silence to explore the depth of it.

You may fall into to love zillions of time but still be unaware of it. Look beyond the meaning and prejudices. Formulate your own meaning. Live into it. It will always make you feel liberated and calm.