The Power Of Praise And The Foolishness Of Flattery

Kids are experts at getting what they want, perched on top as needed. They might say, oh dad, you're so wonderful. I know you'll buy me that new doll. And the next morning with mom in the supermarket. Oh, Mommy, I love you. You're the bestest mommy in the world. I know you buy me that chocolate. She, from the hungry infants instinctive call, his mommy approaches the crib to the salesman.

Compliments come naturally to people when they want something from somebody.

In fact, compliments are the most widely used and thoroughly endorsed of all getting what you want techniques.

Let's say you give somebody a compliment. You smile, waiting to see the warm feelings that engulf the recipient. You may have to wait a long time, because if he or she has a speck of suspicion that your praise is self serving, it has the opposite effect. If your compliment is insincere, or unskilled, it can wreck your chances of ever being trusted by that person again, it can avoid a potential relationship before it ever gets off the runway.

However, skilled praise is a different story. When done well, it gives the relationship immediate lift off, it can make a sale, win a new friend or rejuvenate a marriage on a golden anniversary.

What is the difference between praise that lifts and flattery that flattens? Well, many factors enter the equation. They include your sincerity, timing, motivation, and wording. They also involve the recipients self image, professional position, experience with compliments, and judgment of your powers of perception. Of course, it entails the relationship between the two of you how long you've known each other. If you're complimenting someone by email, phone or social media, it even involves subtly such as whether you've ever seen their face, either in person or a photograph.

Sociologistresearch shows

• A compliment from a new person is more potent than from somebody you already know.

• Your compliment has more credibility when given to an unattractive person, or an attractive person whose face you've never seen.

• You are taken more seriously if you preface your comments by some self-effacing remark, but only if your listener perceives you as higher individual. If you are lower, your self- effacing remark reduces your credibility.