Who Am I? In Quest Of An Identity

Standing behind the four walls of my house, I asked myself a question. A question that once or all comes in every female’s mind. This is not the question to my family nor to my friends, its for me. I wanna know about my identity. Why I took birth? Why am I living? WHYYY?

Everytime I have to listen to someone and follow up their rules. For once its my father then my brother, then my husband and so on. I don’t even know where the patriarchal society is leading me up to. I live in a country where boys could roam around anywhere anytime but I have to think millions of times to go even to a public place during night. I live in a society, where incest could happen but yu can’t marry out of your caste. I can get raped my husband daily because my country don’t think I have a right on my body. I feel trapped, dying inside my body. I wanna live my life with the freedom where I could speak, I can wear the cloths that I want, not the society wants me to wear. I want to live in a place where I don’t get judged by the neighbours. I want a society where I could freely talk about my homosexuality, I could say no to my husband for having sexual intercourse. I could go out without anyone’s permission.

I want to decide my fate by myself. I don’t wanna get marry because its my age to get marry. I love going out, I love living my life when its not controlled by someone. I want to know that who am I instead of being someone’s daughter, someone’s wife etc. I don’t wanna be someone’s someone. I am me and atleast for once I will become myself but would this patriarchal society let me be me?

It doesn’t matter that they let me do it or not. I will try for once because changes happen when one tries to. And the day will come when the females of India would rise high and could roam around the streets freely without any fear. None of the girl would be forced to marry someone. And I could say I am a woman and I am proud to be that. I don’t need any man to make me feel safe.

-WOMAN SEARCHING FOR HER IDENTITY