"I'm happy."
I told him.
"Actually I'm happier."
I reminded it to myself more than I did to him.
"You know you're lying."
That man knows me way too much.
"No, I'm happy" I repeated.
'Even if I'm not happy why should I let him know!' I thought.
"I know you're not happy. If a person needs to tell somebody about their feeling, I bet the person is lying. Your emotions are overt Zee. Anybody can see them."

'This man..oh God..the same he was ten years ago.'
I babbled.
"Sorry, you said something?"
'Same expressions' I added.
"Why did you leave me Zee?" He asked me a question I wanted to avoid from the very beginning of this conversation.

"Finally......" I stifled. "It was society Ahmed, not me who has left you."
"I told you I can talk to my family, why didn't you trust me?"
"Society, again." I didn't wanna tell him the actual reason.
"Who pressurised you to reject my proposal?"
"Sorry, but once again society."
"What's this society society Zee?" he asked a little irritated, "When did this society pressurize you? When did society asked you to reject my proposal? How did society made youleave my hand?"

"Because My Mother has asked me to do so" I replied trying to keep my tone as calm as possible. "Because my mother asked me to reject your proposal Ahmed. She pressurised me."

"Aunt Aeny," he was shocked. "But why?"
'Well said that not everybody can accept the truth.' I remembered.
A smirk appeared on my face.
"Yes, it was my mother and your aunt Aeny, Ahmed. She asked me to leave your hand because she wanted me to get married to one of her Nephews."

"Your aunt", I stressed on aunt, "she pressurised me to marry her nephew who is a drunkard. Your aunt, your aunt Aemy who is your Favourite, blackmailed me to marry a guy who is abusive and violent."

"Why did you accept the proposal then? Why did she blackmail you?" He asked me. His voice was heavy as if there was a lump throat in his throat.

"Because Daddy was strict about her daughters you know, he didn't know about our relationship and even I didn't want to tell him. She, yes you heard it right, my own mother blackmailedme for this and forced me to marry her nephew who is alcoholic and violent andabusive and aggressive. So I did, you know why? Not because I was afraid about daddy knowing about us being in relationship but because I wanted you to be safe. She threatened me that if I didn'taccept her proposal, she would make you suffer on my behalf and I knew she would!"

I paused.
"So, I did what I thought I should have done."
I looked at him.
"I can't believe aunt Aeny did this to me." He was still in a shock. "I would've confronted her."
"No, you couldn't have."
"Why? I want to ask her, where have I ever wronged her!" Tear rolled down his eyes.
"You're emotional, even today."
"Yes but I'm not great, as great as you"
He looked at me.
I was stunned.
"What have I done?"
I stammered.
"What kind of love is that Zee? He questioned."This gender is unbelievable, one group of you people betray their own love and there is other group who sacrifice their lives to save their love."

He stopped for a moment.
" I can't believe that aunt Aeny, my blood relative betrayed me. How come she even thought of getting you marrying to somebody else when she knew about our love and relationship."

He looked at me.
"And then there's you... twenty eight years old lady who's a wife of a dipsomaniac and a mother of two. Who loved somebody else and has married somebody else. Typical eastern soul who has her priorities fixed. First her family and then her life. No matter how much you make up stories that you married him because Aeny threatened you that she'll kill me, I know you bowed your head because you knew that your father couldn't survive the Shock that you was in love with his peon's son. You were right earlier, actuallyit was society. And like any other Indian daughter, you stepped up to be 'Bali ka bakra.'

He breathed....
"Go Zee, go now...I know you're not happy but I will force myself to believe that you're happy. And when you'll be happy, I'll be happy."

He went away.
I left the hospital corridor, where my husband was on the death bed, taking his last breath.
I left him once again, portraying myself a villain of his life and a 'Sushil bharatiya naari' in the eyes of society.

The end.
Happy reading.

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Profile of Somama Nasir
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