Miles Between Us

We have our ugliest fights right before we meet. It’s almost inevitable. I regret it later every time, when you disappear for hours on the other side of airplane mode.

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In a lot of ways, meeting you again is harder than saying goodbye. I know how to feel when we part, but seeing you again is confusing. Practice makes us worse.

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Maybe the excitement raises our expectations to the point where the smallest disagreement triggers an avalanche. At least, that’s what we used to tell each other. But I’m not naive enough to say that out loud anymore and you’re too cynical to believe it anyway.

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Maybe as we brace ourselves to see each other, we realise how hard it is to open up again after spending days, weeks and months trying to let go, but failing. Distance adds romance and desire to our story but it also corrupts, until we’re left fighting in the face of the thing we desire the most - presence.

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The thought of seeing you again is not just confusing, it’s awkward and conflicting. You’re never the same. Your hair is a little longer, your nails a different colour, and your stories about moments I was never a part of. I hate that I miss things.

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But what I miss the most in all of this is...you. And somewhere right before I see you, amongst the fights and all the uncertainty, I lose sight of that.