Anonymous Dairy Entry- What Is Life?

It asks me WHAT IS LIFE?
And I feel powerless.
It seems like a timer has been rotated for me to hurry up and answer and with every sand bean I shrink into my thoughts.

Thoughts with random words, words with dizzy meanings.
The greys are been shaded, the blacks are been bolded.
I close my eyes and try to get a word to call it by its name, any word which could help me out of this, any word that’ll make complete sense.

.
I am looking around, shrinking on every step and I see light. I desperately run to it for it only chases disappearance. I try to spell the word out, to pronounce it but it seems alien.

.
I now question myself, ask myself if I know it and it freezes, everything freezes and I cannot dare move. I stand where I was and every black word around crashes on me. Now I could choose any word but the absence of any movement of the word I was looking for awakens more hunger within to get it, in my eyes it screams its worth. It stands there loud and clear.

For all Icare is if it exists in me or is it a lie. A cold breeze passes by and a thought hits me and it says

"If it is here, it was all along and you never knew about it".
.
A sharp ray leaves my body and I collapse in the void.
On the verge of cry, I lower my gaze in front of it, defeated I pull myself together and with a low breath force myself to stand up to not give up yet to look up and endure the word to OWN it.

To take it with me for it answers everything. But as I look up everything explodes.
.
.
.
With a sting, my eyes shoot open and an invisible wave pushes me as I take a step back to hold myself.

NUMB, I stare at the question for who knows till when. Hastily then I look away from the paper and shut the diary as once again I fool myself by showing anger instead of fear. For once again the question WHAT IS LIFE finds no answer within me.

.
My dairy has seen many days. Days where I pause for a bit. Days where my fears get the best of me. Days where I want answers. Days where I think I’ll get them. Days where I want to tear every part of the page. We, humans, have so much to deal with that we forget we have ourselves, selves who need answers, we forget we’ve got to reflect. I think it’s best to forget because some questions cannot be answered.

.

______________________________________________

Hey Guys! I've also got some more Wrytups to share. You could visit my wrytup profile by clicking here.

Hope you like 'em 😊.

Good day all❤️