Eyes (Part 2 Of Blind-Eyes)

It has been almost 3 years in college, this was my last year here. It has been difficult living here, mainly because there’s no Ms D’souza anymore, but I started to live on my own when I was young, haven’t I? But here it was different, you meet people, talk to them, don’t know how they look, and it doesn’t matter after a certain time, when you have such amazing people around you, as I had. Everyone was very helpful, Naina, Arjun, Rahul, Sanskriti and Yash. They never let me feel alone, I had one Ms D’souza than, I have so many now. But there was one who was extra careful for me always, Yash always sat near to me, maybe sometimes back, right, left or front, but never with me. He would always talk to me after class, after one lecture, he would come along with me to get me on the bus, then later he started to call, well I knew what all this meant, though he said it was a friendly gesture. I never felt bad, he always cracked bad jokes, but it still got me laughing, there was something special about him. And one day, he said that he loved me, and I didn’t take time, to say I do too. He did things that made me feel special, though unnecessary and unnoticable but meant a lot to me. He said, ‘I am ready to help you always, I love doing it, and will do it forever.’ and I knew he meant it.

It has been almost 3 years in college, this was my last year here. It has been difficult living here, mainly because there’s no Ms D’souza anymore, but I started to live on my own when I was young, haven’t I? But here it was different, you meet people, talk to them, don’t know how they look, and it doesn’t matter after a certain time, when you have such amazing people around you, as I had. Everyone was very helpful, Naina, Arjun, Rahul, Sanskriti and Yash. They never let me feel alone, I had one Ms D’souza than, I have so many now. But there was one who was extra careful for me always, Yash always sat near to me, maybe sometimes back, right, left or front, but never with me. He would always talk to me after class, after one lecture, he would come along with me to get me on the bus, then later he started to call, well I knew what all this meant, though he said it was a friendly gesture. I never felt bad, he always cracked bad jokes, but it still got me laughing, there was something special about him. And one day, he said that he loved me, and I didn’t take time, to say I do too. He did things that made me feel special, though unnecessary and unnoticable but meant a lot to me. He said, ‘I am ready to help you always, I love doing it, and will do it forever.’ and I knew he meant it.

3 years later, we got married. It was a small event, with Yash’s family, our friends and no one from my side. I wanted Ms D’souza, but I came to know orphanage got closed and she went back to Pune. I sent her an invitation, but she never came. I felt bad, I wanted her beside me. But nevertheless we got married, it was the best moments of my life. And 2 months later, I got pregnant. It was a strange feeling, a child inside you is a strange feeling but a beautiful feeling too. Yash was reading out a pregnant woman care book, in which it said, ’When you are pregnant, the whole family is pregnant with you’. That’s so true because I wish I could see, but I can hear him running here and there, always panicking, it was hilarious. Soon, the stomach got bigger and bigger, and during ultrasounds, I could hear the heartbeats of the child, though I couldn’t see him/her, I was very happy. I wanted a girl, Yash a boy, but it didn’t matter when I was in the hospital. Whatever it may be, it must be beautiful. It was almost 8 hours of labour until delivery happened. Yash was beside me, the doctors took the child before giving back, I was anxious to see it. The doctors wrapped the child in a towel and gave it to me. It was a girl, my wish came true. I was touching it, two small eyes, 1 small nose, two hands, it was an experience that I never had, but I cried, my heart broke. Yash said, ‘What happened?’

‘I can’t see, I can’t see my child’. For a moment I forgot I was blind, but when I realised it was heartbreaking. My identity, thing I grew so proud of being, started to haunt me. My desperation grew, but all I could do was to cry. I wanted to see my child, but I can’t. I was back home, but Yash didn’t sound relaxed. I was trying to digest the fact I could never see my child, it has been 2 weeks since then.

One day Varun came and took me to the hospital .The doctor said,” We have got a pair of eyes of a donor, who died a few days ago. “ I got to know Yash has spent most of his savings for this operation, I couldn’t hold my tears, it was so much at once. Soon the operation happened, and I was able to see for the first time. Yash, doctor, colours, letters, numbers, it was a moment when I saw the world for the first time. Yash was so handsome, Doctor was almost in the mid-’30s, the room was white. I was seeing my fingers for the first time with which I learned counting it all was the experience I waited since as a child. Ms D’souza’s saying came true, I had my own eyes. I went home, and finally saw my child, she was a beautiful little girl, she was adorable. Yash then told me,’ Ms D’souza gave you, your eyes, she died a few weeks ago, she came Mumbai to meet you, but she was hit by a car, she decided to donate her eyes and other organs if working. When doctors told me about it, I immediately asked for it’.

Ms D’souza, at last, came as my helping hand. I took out the frame she gave me, she was a beautiful woman as I imagined, I wanted to hug her again, maybe. But she’s not gone for me, no, I am seeing this world because of her, this world is colourful because for her. Today, I am standing, looking at her name Suzanne D’souza, Died 12 April 2018 on her tombstone. Maybe she won’t see me, but I will always see her, and anyone around me. It’s been 12 years, my world has become more beautiful, colourful and joyful with my daughter Roohi, Yash, and Ms D’souza’s loving eyes with me.

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