As I go to bed and try to sleep, all those thoughts come to my mind and all those emotions all those feelings hit me hard. About that time about that particular day when I felt I lost everything and there was nothing left in life to live for. My mother was ashamed of me. She was right there in front of me & those tears rolling down her eyes. We were sitting on the same sofa right in front of each other and in between us lay the sheet of paper. This sheet was going to change my life forever. My entrance results were declared. And as per that sheet of paper I was probably not going to get through any of the medical/dental colleges of the country. And probably it showed that I'm a failure. May be I was not going to be succesful ever in my life. May be I was always be called as a failure. May be all this wasn't really true but then what was there in my mother's eyes? She wasn't even uttering a word but her blood shot teary eyes were making fun of me. They were humiliating me for being a failure. Her silence was screaming at me, it was abusing me that I can not do anything in my life.I suddenly wanted to disappear. I wasn't able face this. I felt something in my body. I wanted to faint but that didn't really happen. I wanted to die. I wanted to end my life.
Just when I was making mental notes on how to end this life in best way possible my mother looked at me and asked in the shaking voice 'What next?' . I didn't really know what was going to happen 'Next'. I had no idea what I was going to do in my life because by then I was a Failure. Failures can never be succesful in life. These are the moments where all your optimistic thoughts disappears somewhere . All those movie dialogues you've been mugging since forever just to motivate yourself doesn't really work this time.
I didn't answer her. I was still looking at her face and it was killing me every next moment . She started to speak in fact she started to count on my mistakes . I went to friend's , hanged around, watched movies all this was categorised into a serious crime in that very moment.
'I'll try one more time to get through it' I said. She gave a sarcastic smile to my statement as if clearing an entrance exam was totally not my thing and it was far away from my league . May be deep down I knew that it was out of my league . Then I wandered if I'm so not sure that I'll get through this then why I'm even attemting it yet again? But the point was simple. I wanted my mom to be proud of me . I didn't want the failure image of mine in her eyes. And I didn't want to be a worthless son.
AND THE SHITTIEST JOURNEY BEGAN.