I know it hurts,
And I don't know what else to say other than I'm sorry...
I'm sorry for; the sadness that makes you feel like you are pouring yourself forward just to go with the flow.
I'm sorry for; the pain that still hurts you, and makes you feel like you are pouring salt right onto your open wounds. I am sorry for the doubt that makes you feel like love is a risk that's no longer worth taking for. You tried to protect yourself for a really long time. You built a wall as high as, strong and thick enough to keep even a slightest of the emotions at bay. You promised yourself you would never let anyone harm you. But eventually piece by piece, the walls came down, and then one night you just burst through. You tried to yourself about your inner piece and self worth but all in vain.
I'm sorry you felt like you could stay there forever. I'm sorry you felt like it was a refuge that was all yours. I'm sorry you felt like nothing could reach you there.
Guess sometimes there is something scary in feeling to safe. Sometimes you nod approvingly like you get it, or we are on the same page. Sometimes you feel your way back to a moment in time, but with, with heavy eyes and a silent stream of tears.
Please know that it takes time, and you are doing so well. And you are so ridiculously strong. None of it was easy, but I am proud of you. It's hard to face the world feeling the way you do sometimes, but please, just keep at it. Know that love is a beautiful, scary thing, but that it isn't something to fear or be afraid of. This won't last forever. You may find yourself hurt again in the future, or you may find yourself perfectly wrapped up in the arms of forever. But you'll never know unless you try.
Just never ever give up yourself and keep on trying harder.