Without You

You left me with a sense hollowness within me. Everything is exactly where it is supposed to be but this feeling of hollowness emptiness stays here right here in my heart and keeps growing with every second of the clock.

I am not broken but I am not complete either.
Everything around is fine but maybe just maybe it isn’t perfect. But then when I look back, all of it was exactly like this and back then it was all perfect and content to me but now it’s different. It’s a different kind of different now. Anything without you around is not complete, it’s empty, its vacant.

You come and you go and maybe just maybe I might get used to it sooner or later but every time you leave you take along a part of me, you take a part of me to your far away land. A land where I can never come, I land I can never be a part of, a land that belongs to only you and your kind, a land which takes you far away from me as if it is its right to have you around always.

Every time you leave, you leave with a promise of returning home soon and maybe you do come back soon but for me all the days spent without you are like long decades, the hands of the clock for some reason stop ticking and the earth does not rotate. The stars don’t twinkle and the sun does not shine bright. All of it sounds very fanciful and it surely is but how do you expect me to have happy eyes when my happiness is not right by my side.

The time that I have with you might not be as long as the usual lovers do but everything that we have is worth waiting for. This is our and only ours. It belongs to no one else but you and me.

I keep lying to myself that it will get easier with time, I keep telling myself that maybe some time in the near future I will get used to you leaving but deep down, deep deep down I always know I won’t. It never will. I will never be able to deal with this part of life with ease.

Every bye waved to you is tougher than the last one. The hollowness still exists and so does the wait for you to return, maybe a bit sooner this time.

Maybe I will never get used to your leaving, your coming, your duty, your boundaries and your oath but this time I might just keep a bit of you with me to survive, just like I always do…

-Nivedita Singh.