Neil,
You know, whenever I was sad, I knew I had a support and a shoulder to cry on. And that was yours. I thought that you would stay beside me always, no matter what happens.
You never promised me a forever, and that's what made our bond stronger. In this world full of vague forever promises, you became my concealed constant. Concealed because you never asked me to pretend in front of the world and brag about how beautiful our relation was. It simply stayed hidden within ourselves, our eyes and our smiles.
I remember how I used to rant about my life, and about all those no nonsense things which do not even matter in my life anymore. But you mattered. And still do.
People used to stay that nothing is constant. I never believed them, for I had my own living example of constant, i.e, you. I was happy in my own world, or rather my own delusional world. Happy with my family. Happy with you.
But then you left. Suddenly left. And your departure made me believe in their words. I tried to accept the change that you aren't there, but till date I am not over you.
Afterall, you were my best friend. My listener. My healer. The saying is very true, that
“the world needs more people who are willing to listen than the ones who simply whine about their problems.”
You never had the solutions to my problems, but you became the ear which would hear my cries. You became the chest, that I hugged and sobbed on, and with time, you became a part of me, a part too precious. A part that I was scared to lose.
But now everything is changed. Every night I slip into the darkness of all those broken promises of yours, which you left hanging. And every night I pick up those shattered pieces of myself and try to assemble them and get back to my normal life but simply fail.
You know, this darkness doesn't scare me, but the thought of losing myself in your thoughts does. Every night I feel your shadow towering my sleeping frame and whispering sweet nothings in my ear. And now I am so habituated to this same dream that I find peace in this sadness.
I loved stars. Though I was weak at maths, but you taught me the art of counting stars. A simple eye contact with you, and I felt like I am losing myself a bit everytime. You taught me the art of eye contact. Those eyes of yours spoke volume.
But alas, I couldn't read them, unlike you who read every gesture of mine.
Three years have passed since your death, and still every night I dream about you. You were my healer, but not for once did I think,
“Who would heal the healer?”~
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