A Letter To My Secret Self

I stopped myself from thinking so much. I hugged my pillow, turned left side. The room was dark. Designing shadow of grills fell on the door. I wanted to be loved. I too wanted my love to be reciprocated. I want to tell you something my little girl so that you are aware of the pain.

In few days you will desire to make her your bestfriend, she will betray you, belittle you. You will leave trains to hear all her stories. She will go and never return. You will be waiting for her to turn and see your tear filled eyes. You will break down and fall on your knees covering your face and yell out at the empty station.

She will never come back and hug you making you feel the same love you have in your heart for her.

You will fall for a cute guy. You will give nicknames to him like Mr.Darjeeling. You are gonna encourage your mother to take even Darjeeling tea.

You will feel his hand holding you in a rainy day walking alone in a dark lane. When you come in the lights of the city, he will vanish and you will see again and again to go in the dark so that you could feel his presence.

When you lie on bed at night you will hug your pillow and tell all your feelings to him and close your eyes to see his unclear face. You will be fascinated by seeing any hazel eyed boy anywhere. You will notice his name written everywhere you see. You will feel as if God giving a signal of your true love for him. When you cry you will feel him touching your cheeks and you hug him tightly and you will be afraid to open your eyes because once you open your eye you are pushed into the reality.

Your pure, innocent, platonic love will be rejected and you will be surprised to reveal that outer beauty are given more priority than Inner beauty. Later on 2-3 years will go wasted thinking that your love would come back as your feelings are pure. But nothing would happen unless you are pretty enough to attract a guy.

Memories would remain memories...

Suddenly a beautiful gift comes into your life and you will be very excited into unwraping it.

But once you unwrap your entire gift and you start valuing that person, she will too leave you because for you, she is a gift but not for her. Her priorities are something else. You will explore a unknown happiness from midnight till a hour as you would spend time with her chatting. Your days will start by wishing her good morning and end by wishing her good night. She will tell you everything and you again prove to be a secret keeper but she would fail to do. Your love will be burden for her and in her behavior that will be reflected and slowly one day she will say it's better not to speak much. It happened because you speak with few and she talks with many.

Being secretive is being loyal in friendship that she need to walk a long way to learn.