I was scared of dentists and the dark
I was scared of pretty girls and starting conversations
Oh, all my friends are turning green
You’re the magician’s assistant in their dream…
Vance Joy blares through the jukebox as I sit down on the stool.
“A beer please.”
The bartender, a young girl in her early twenties, smiles at me as she hands over my drink.
I slowly nurse my drink as my mind wanders over the events of the past few days.
I’m finally out of that godforsaken job, free to do what my heart desires, go where my legs take me.
Except, I’m not sure of what I want to do yet.
Don’t get me wrong, the pay was pretty decent, but the boss, not so much. A fat man in his fifties, with a bald head and a mustache as grey as the exhaust leaving a pickup truck. He was a classic example of the overbearing, cranky oldies you come across in TV and cinema.
Joseph, where’s the file you were supposed to hand in today?
I emailed it to you yesterday night you plump oaf, check it maybe?
Joseph, I need you to stay back couple of hours later than usual.
But it’s the fourth time this week you balding dingbat.
Joseph, the company’s doing budget cuts, you’ll be getting only three-fourths of your salary this month.
Oh yeah? Maybe they wouldn’t have to if YOU MOVED YOUR LAZY ASS OUT OF YOUR CHAIR AND DID YOUR WORK FOR ONCE.
You get the gist.
Obviously I never said what I thought out loud, but I sure would’ve loved to.
And so, one fine morning, me with four other coworkers decided to walk out. They said they’re thinking of starting their own firm, and would like it if I could join.
I’m considering the idea, but I want to be on my own for a while. See where life leads me, if nothing else, it’ll be my contingency plan.
Oh, oh, and they come unstuck
Lady, running down to the riptide
Taken away to the dark side
I wanna be your left-hand man
I love you when you’re singing that song and
I got a lump in my throat ’cause
You’re gonna sing the words wrong
I must say, this song has got a really catchy beat, one of those songs you listen to a thousand times before you get bored, and then once or twice again just for the heck of it.
Aaand my bottle’s empty.
Just as I’m about to get another one, the bartender comes and hands one over to me.
“You somewhat of a mind reader?”
“Scuse me?”
“Well I was about to order another beer, and then you came and gave me one.”
“Oh bother, I totally forgot to mention, I’m getting really forgetful these days you know? I kept the water running this morning and promptly forgot about it too, only to come back and see my whole bathroom flooded. I’ve got such a terrible backache now, mopping the floor all morning. But oh look at me, blabbering again. Ah yes, the beer, it’s courtesy of that lady over there,” she says, pointing her finger behind me.
Well that was an earful, I think to myself as I turn around.
Okay, I must be dreaming.
“The one in the black dress?”
“Yes, that’s the one.”
I look behind again. Either this is some elaborate prank, or the prettiest girl in the room, hell maybe the whole city just decided to buy me a drink.
There’s this movie that I think you’ll like
This guy decides to quit his job and heads to New York City
This cowboy’s running from himself
And she’s been living on the highest shelf
Her blonde hair is shining under the dim light of the bar. The black dress hugs her curvaceous frame, giving an ample view of her deep cleavage, it leaves little to imagination. Her face has a striking resemblance to Michelle Pfeiffer, except for the lips, which are much more fuller and luscious.
They part to reveal a set of perfect white teeth, as she smiles as me and waves me to come over.
Okay, play it cool Joseph, play it cool. I’ve been with my fair share of women, there’s no need for me to feel anxious.
But as I slide off the chair and make my way to her with slow, deliberate steps, one of my old fears resurface.
I wasn’t always comfortable around girls. Sure it was fine as long as we were just talking, but tell me to flirt, and you’d sooner be seeing a pig fly, over the moon no less. It took me a long to time get comfortable enough to even give a girl a friendly hug, but persistence is key I suppose.
But man oh man, this woman is drop dead gorgeous. More than enough to make me feel like a ten year old again.
“Hello,” I somehow manage to croak out. “May I sit?”
“Well of course, I did call you over, right?”
“I suppose you’re right.” I pull out the chair and sit down, somehow managing to bring out my smile. Play it cool Joseph, but heavens above she is beautiful.
“So what brings you to our humble city? You don’t seem like a local.”
“Well I just got out of an overbearing job, and decided to pack my bag and hit the road. And the wheels lead me to your beautiful city.” Okay Joseph, we’re getting back into it, no need to be anxious, just play it cool.
“I see, and pray tell me what is your name, handsome?” she says, as she puts on a sly smile.
“Joseph, Joseph Conroy. And your’s, mademoiselle?” And we’re back, the anxiousness in my chest slowly fading away.
“Oh a gentleman, me likey.” she says, running her fingers up my arm, ever so slowly. I feel chills running down the length of my arm as her finger slowly inches towards my neck. And then she pulls them away. “Helen, Helen Troy. Now listen, I’m in town for a few days, and then I’m leaving the states, for work. The thing is though, that the work pressure has been really getting to me over the past few months, but the pay is too good for me to leave. So I decided to come back home for a while, but it’s gotten boring.”
She gets up and comes over to me. And then she bends down, and her hot breath washes over my ears and down my neck, as the words escape her luscious lips.
“So how about we have some fun tonight handsome? You seem like a man who can take care of a woman, and tomorrow we can part our ways.”
The words send shivers down my whole spine like nothing I’ve ever felt before. If this is a dream, I hope I don’t wake up, atleast not before the night ends.
“I don’t see why not, mademoiselle,” I whisper back into her ears, letting my breath wash over her slender neck like she did. “Your place or mine?”
“Easy there tiger, the night is still young. You know, it’s been a while since I went skinny dipping, you man enough for it?”
Oh boy, the water’s bound to be freezing at this time of the night, but it’s too late to chicken out. And then, this woman is totally worth getting frozen over.
“I’m game if you are.”
“Just what I wanted to hear.”
Oh, oh, and they come unstuck
Lady, running down to the riptide
Taken away to the dark side
I wanna be your left-hand man
I love you when you’re singing that song and
I got a lump in my throat ’cause
You’re gonna sing the words wrong
The song seems to have gotten stuck in my head, but thankfully it’s not an annoying one, so I don’t mind.
We slowly make our way across the beach, the sands which burn your feet off during day freezing them cold at night, much in the same way, yet quite differently.
“So, you sure you wanna do this?” She is totally enjoying this. “I’ll understand if you chicken out.”
“Oh to hell with this, let’s get this over with.” I say as I start unbuttoning my shirt.
Her slender legs make their way to me, as her hand clasps my collar and pull me closer. Her lips touch mine, and I wrap my hands around her waist, standing under the moonlight.
“I knew you were the man for the job,” she grins.
I just wanna, I just wanna know
If you’re gonna, if you’re gonna stay
I just gotta, I just gotta know
I can’t have it, I can’t have it any other way
I swear she’s destined for the screen
Closest thing to Michelle Pfeiffer that you’ve ever seen, oh
Damn the water was cold, but it all seems worth it as I trace my hand across her curvaceous back, my lips pressed on hers. We’re back in my hotel room, and things are heating up.
I trace my lips across her soft bosoms, her firm waist, her lithe legs and round behind. Her soft moans reverberate through the room, her body writhing slowly under my touch.
Quite possibly the worst time to be reminded of the fact that I don’t have a condom on me.
“Hey, I forgot to get a condom.”
“That’s good, I don’t like having a piece of plastic in me anyway. Now stop talking and come here handsome.” She pulls my lips on hers again, as her soft breasts push against my torso.
Lady, running down to the riptide
Taken away to the dark side
I wanna be your left-hand man
I love you when you’re singing that song and
I got a lump in my throat ’cause
You’re gonna sing the words wrong
It’s morning, and I’m sitting on the bed, holding the piece of paper she left behind before disappearing. Shit man, I knew it was too good to be true.
The words written on the paper has numbed all my senses, I just hope that it’s a practical joke. But I know, I know it’s not.
I unfurl the paper again, hoping my eyes had deceived me the first time.
But the words are still there, as clear as day.
“Welcome to the world of AIDS” it reads.