Why I'd Rather Spend My Day With Snape Than With My 4 Year Old Nephew.

Gayatri Balachandran
Jul 01, 2019   •  13 views

We all love kids. Little kids are bundles of happiness to be and talk with. They're also innocent, all smiles and their naiveness acts as a source of endless amusement to us old souls. But if you've got the cheekiest little bugger for your nephew then you know how embarrassing kids can be. So for the time being I'm going to call my dearest nephew Poophead for two reasons. One because my family won't let me call him that in their presence. Two because I don't want him to come cross this blog sometime in the future and vow revenge.

Poophead as I said is a smart and wonderful kid(to everyone but me, I think). He's sweet, helpful and calm most times. But he can also be cheeky, sarcastic, and troublesome when he wants to be. So lemme tell you what made me realise that I'd rather put up with the greasy bat of the dungeons then my 4 year old nephew.

So Poophead was 2 and a half years old back then. Our family had arranged for a cleansing homam( a hindu ritual) in our flat which was in the 5th floor of a seven apartment building. We were all forced to wake up at 2 am and take a bath. Poophead as usual wriggled his way out of it by whining about it until we left him alone. So there we are sitting half asleep between chants and the endless fumes. After an hour or so from the beginning of the homam, we heard someone knocking on our flat door urgently. When I went to open the door, I found half of our street standing in front of our door looking like they've run a mile. So I ask them what's wrong and imagine what they said! That they thought our house was on fire.

You need to know the backstory as to why I'm blaming my nephew for this. Somehow between the noise and smoke the little bugger had managed to wake up and tried his door. My sister in law had locked the door so as to keep him in until the homam got over. The little bugger could have knocked or yelled out to us. But no. He won't do anything halfway now,would he?

So like the cheeky little genius is he is, he decides to climb his bedroom window( which luckily for us was the only room facing the street) and shout out for the whole street to hear that our house was on fire. And with the house so noisy due to the chants we didn't hear him. And the smoke coming out of the homam played its part in supporting his claim.

I ran in to open his door and there he sat perched on the window bars like a monkey waving and smiling merrily back at me. All we could do was to gape at him which further infused his merriment that he started waving his legs too. When asked about it later he swore that he really thought the house was on fire and called for help. But I didn't believe him for a second and still don't.

You see poophead is so interested and invested in all aspects of my life. When I was in my first year of college, I noticed one of my longtime friends acting weird towards me. One night I decided I need help and ended up talking with my sister-in-law. We both forgot Poophead was in the room( we thought he was sleeping. nearly 3 year olds aren't supposed to bee eavesdropping and use them against you, no matter how curious they are). So I went on and on about how this guy was just a good friend and I wasn't interested but another friend I've been crushing on for quite some time and how he's got dreamy brown eyes and all that shit. I don't even know what I was thinking.

The very next day as luck would have it, I was taking Poophead out for ice cream when both objects of my recent dilemma decided to show up (at the sametime). It was just a minute I swear that I left Poophead alone with them and he decided to help me out and tell them that "Chithi doesn't like you like she likes this Anna. She likes you only as a friend but thinks this Anna has dreamy eyes and Silky locks. I think she dreams about him too". And then I come back , both boys look like tomatoes, they made some excuses and went their own way. I heard about what Poophead had done from a friend who was dating a friend of that crush. I really wished that the ground would open up and swallow me whole. Kids should not be too nosy.

But my most favourite thing about him is that he shows no favoritism, no mercy not to anyone. One time when she was sure that we were out of earshot of the kid, my sister-in-law told me that Work has been a B***h nowadays. Almost a month or two after that when she was invited to an after work gathering she took her darling son along. When introduced to the Boss, Poophead goes "But mom I thought you worked for a dog. You said so!". She almost lost her job and when asked to explain he goes again quoting her own words, "I didn't know what it was so I googled it". Get this he was just 4 years old!!!

I mean how do you even put up with this much nosiness??? I get it kids are curious. But this kid has got to tone it down before he gets someone in serious trouble. Gimme a hifi if you've got nosy little buggers wrecking your life left, right and center.

Remind me again why we love kids so much??