Divorce. Why Children Are Often The Most Affected.

Did you know that more than 20% of first marriages end in divorce?
Marriage is sacred. It's a beautiful thing. What happens when you and your spouse fall out of love? Or when one is an adulterer and you can no longer look into his/her eyes? Or when the sight of her disgusts you so much? Perhaps, in the midst of all these, you find another person who gives you the love that you can't find anymore. When it's just the two of you, it's easy. One simply leaves. Bags and all. What happens when there are children? It gets a whole lot more complicated.

Mary (not her real name) was eight when her parents broke up. She had woken up one school day, dressed in her uniform, eating breakfast when she heard her parents quarelling. It was normal. It has been normal for a long time. She gathered her younger siblings together and told them to eat as fast as they could. Her mother walked out with some of her bags, looked at them all huddled up in the dining room and left. That was it. The last time her mother stepped her feet into the house. What followed were series of court appearances, a whole lot of tears and emotional baggage. During the divorce, her siblings were separated as the parents fought for custody.

This is just one of many scenerios where children of divorce are adversely affected. The thing is, the parents don't know. They are at loggerheads each time. Fighting for this or that and never once, looking after the children. Many children from divorced homes are traumatized after the experience. A lot of them think that the separation was their fault or that they had something to do with it.

However, depending on how smoothly the divorce went, some children adjust well in the years that follow. Some, as expected don't. Research has shown that ongoing parental conflict even after the separation can increase the risk of psychological and social problems in the lives of the children. In the near future, children from divorced homes, are more socially redrawn, have higher risks of facing depression and have the highest forms of trust issues.

If you're having a divorce, remember to be kind to your children. They are the ones losing their happy family, and are having plenty issues accepting this. You and your children should also be more open in communication. Let them talk about how they feel. No matter how dirty the divorce might have been, for their sake let them be able to see their other parent. Love your child (or children) in this trying period. And don't forget yourself, you need as much love!