Our life would be bliss when we all have a sister, and having an elder one would feel like you have two mothers. My life was blessed with her, my lovely sister named Deepi. From the day I remember seeing her I could see her innocence and her way of sacrificing her happiness for someone else all the time. Like everybody else in the world we fight over little silly things, hate each other, constantly complain about our fights to parents, and all the shit happened between us. While sharing the food we love, a naughty younger one I’ll wait for her to finish first, so that I can eat at later without giving to make her feel jealous, keeping the TV remote in my hand was the biggest success at that time, “Leave it, She’s a little girl and you must adjust” was lovely words I ever hear from my mother, I can get my favorite dress, toys with two drops of tears or sometimes just acting like I am gonna cry.
The years passed, we grew up together. It was filled with much love and maturity. We both lived so happily, we adjusted every little thing, had so much fun even learning few bad words together, people wonder why do we laugh always, from looking at boys to talking dirty things we were the best partners. There were no personal pieces of stuff between us, from knowing her crush secrets to reading all her messages together was one of my hobbies. Every Sunday we used to spend time in our bedroom watching our favorite movies and series. When something fishy has happened at home, my mother would be baffled who did as we don’t do stupid things alone.
By the time when she completed her graduation, parents started their job to push her into the life which she has no interest, but that doesn’t matter as they live with a logic based on what people in the society say and with honor, never bothered about her own dreams. Marriage is not about age; it’s about finding the right person. She was in love with the boy who doesn’t belong to the same caste, the problem became bigger and finally, she gotta choose between parents and him. We can’t please everyone, and we can’t make everyone happy in the world, she has chosen him and started her journey towards love.
After she went leaving me and my family, I feel my home was just cement and bricks. After entering the bedroom, I no longer stand inside hearing her voice, laugh all over the walls. I just touched the bedsheets and her pillow which was filled with my tears drop by drop. I felt like I had lost my hands and cannot do any of my kinds of stuff. On the other side, I can see my parents feel for losing their honor and fear of society talks. Though I imagined her wedding should be filled with my friends, dancing and the fun and excitement I was concerned only about her happiness now. Deep inside I wanna see my sister’s happiness, want to see how she is looking after she got married, and to tease her looking at her shyness towards her new life. A 6 months later, When she got pregnant I want to touch her stomach and talk to her baby, wishing it would be a girl inside her stomach, being her aunt I want to be her best friend, her partner in crime. Whenever I go home my baby would come and hug me with so much of love, which makes me feel to spend the rest of my life with her.
As imagined it was a girl but the other stuff I wished had reminded a dream. I could see her baby once in 6 months with my parent's permission as they don’t allow me to make any decisions for my choice. I buy toys, dresses for my baby but I cannot surprise her as soon as I get. I have to wait 6 months and more to gift that. I do miss all her little moments, from her first cry to her little foot touching this earth, missing the day when she was named first, the pain cannot be described by words even when I missed her first b ‘day. I cry so many times wanting to shout at my mother not to live for the society but every time I stop myself to avoid more conflicts. The horrible part was when my baby doesn’t even recognize me as her aunt. My phone will be filled with tears whenever my sister sends her video.
What heals better than time was the only hope I keep in my heart till this minute. Though I miss many of the lovely moments, I am waiting for the day when everything will be perfect, when her little foot touch my home and taking hugging her all the time. When the world is having a desire for getting into high paid jobs, making more money, buying a big home, I wish to have my friend back. I need my sister back; I want her in my bedroom gossiping till 1 AM, shop with her and roam the entire city. Waiting for her, my happiness. The old sister who has been the only mine, I need her.
#If my parents sacrificed their ego, if the society mouth has been shut, if happiness was more important than honor and respect, if there was kindness towards their grandchildren or if people listened to their hearts and not what the brain told, all my dreams would have come true.