Given Up.

There are wild hopes and dreams and allure aspirations and obstacles, there are many disappointments and betrayals and love and warmth. These make up a day. But what happens in my case? I never seem to me my emotions cloud my judgements. It's as if I'm in a black void under water and I can't seem can't speak, if I open my mouth,I'll sink and die. There are fishes floating? No it's little round things, some not even round, some are just letters or words, woah, it's everything that bothers me. These are but my emotions. Unlike you, I can't realise what they really are. It's like seeing all of them which are making me vulnerable yet not being able to see them as if. As if my hands want to stretchand get hold of them , but my mind is too lost to send the impulse. I then see the shapeless emotions and feelings joining and becoming something meaningful or maybe something not so. They become a human, and when it looks at me, I feel the chill. I look into the same black eyes as mine. It is me, the inner me, the more oppressed me, the more clear me. But it won't just talk. It's screams are muffler and it has a knife , it twists it in its stomach. Ouch, I feel it deep inside, but not in my stomach, in my upper left chest, where my heart was protesting furiously a while ago. The "me" now comes and paints me red in blood. I see light, blinding light. I flutter my eyes to see that I'm still where I was , only now I can see and talk.Ofcourse, I've realised my sins and good doings. I'm whole now. But alas, what human is leftin me!? Curiosity makes us human. I'm no longer curious. Then if this is afterlife, it must be painful, as I feel no pain, no rage, no human , I feel different and cold and dead.