It Is December

It's 2:48 am and it's December. You hoped you'd be fast asleep by midnight but you didn't. You are not very happy, but you don't know what to do about it. You just lie on the bed with your phone and your mind occupied with reckless thoughts.

Twelve more minutes of using your phone, you say to yourself. Twelve more minutes of viewing unnecessary stories about the Kardashians, scrolling through the portrayed lives of your acquaintances on Instagram, reading quotes and jokes on Facebook and above all twelve more minutes of seeing those blue ticks and last seen for the infinite time now waiting for a reply from the "one". It's the same routine everyday, isn't it? 

You question yourself and you contemplate your life. You wonder if your life could be as fun as those portrayed on social media. You try and follow all those motivational quotes that you read but you fail everyday. And everyday you think why is that you can't get your life together? Why does it seem so hard to follow a less complicated life. 

Days and nights pass by and this viscous cycle of you pondering upon your being continues to a point where you see yourself in a pool of sadness. 

"How is all this even going to matter", you say. "I should focus on my goals and happiness" you say. But you don't because you are lured into the fancies of other people's lives.

You've made yourself so weak that you keep hoping for that one text which you know you won't receive, waiting for all the positivity, for all the happiness to be showered upon you while you're lying there. 

But then there comes a thought and you realise it's not a fairy land and it won't happen on its own. You decide to work towards it. You decide you'd be strong enough now. You decide to make a time table and be motivated enough to focus on getting yourself together. Waking up early, eating healthy, avoiding what's unnecessary and doing your work, then taking a good nap after a long days work. You feel good on reaching a conclusion. 

It's 4:18 am and it's cold. You feel feverish but you're happy with the decisions you made. You finally keep your phone aside and sleep. 

But the thing is, will you actually wake up early when this is all that you've done all your nights since weeks, months and years?