‘Letter To Myself’

Dear 12-year old Niti,
I know this letter comes as a surprise to you, but life is supposed to be full of surprises, good or bad and I want you to know about it. I am writing this letter as I am sitting on my flight to Kolkata. Yes, you heard it right, "flight" and guess what, you will be travelling all alone in a few years. The girl who once complained that she has never even seen a plane once, now travels every 40 months by air all alone. You will grow up in these years, you will mature. You will see your best friend with whom you made promises of being "best friends forever", stabbing you right in the back. But you won't fall back. You will make friends, lots of friends, and you will meet the three most lovely people in your life who will be much more then being just your best friends. You will fall in love, in deep love. He will feel like the one who completes you. He will give you abdominal butterflies and make those "cheesy" romantic songs a part of your daily playlist. But then, he will also break you heart, smash it into pieces like an unwanted mirror. He will make you cry and yes, I almost forgot about all those 'throat lumps" you will feel. But most importantly, it will strengthen you, teach you to forgive like never before. You will fall sick, gain weight. People will call you all kinds of names, "fat", "elephant", people will laugh, people will make fun. But trust me on this one, throughout this journey, you will learn about "self-love". And once you learn about it, no-one, absolutely no-one can make fun of you. People will start respecting you, loving you, not because of how you look, but because you will be worth all the respect and love that you will get. You will be given responsibilities, people will talk to you about their issues because they think you understand them and it will give you happiness more then any weight loss can ever give you. You will be called beautiful not because of your looks but because of your personality. You will loose a close member of your family, home will seem empty without her. You will realize that home is home only because of the people who live in there. Your lifelong dream will be shattered, the one you dreamt about day and night. The one for which you are working now, not going out with your friends, not watching tv for years, not sleeping, not going on vacations, yes, that dream, it will be shattered. The world you built in your head, about all the people you were going to help, about all the good work you were going to do, how you were going to make Maa - Boo happy, everything will fall in front of your eyes. The world will seem meaningless, you will loose every kind of hope, and you will come face to face with one of your toughest "frenemies", depression. Frenemy because it will turn out to be the one who will show you your purpose in life, who will re-introduce you to those passions which you had as a child but were, somehow, locked in an old box and tucked in between those "unwanted but cannot be thrown" items, just like those old calenders with beautiful pictures. You will find the true purpose of life, the only thing where you will be better then anyone else, where you will know that you are good at what you are doing, you will make YOURSELF proud. You will become the aid of the speechless. You will have regrets, lots of it, to such an extent that you will have months of sleepless nights. You will find a voice, to express your opinions, you won't fall behind. You will take a stand for your friends, fight for your Mom, fight for the animals and stand like a shield in front of anyone who tries to harm them. And you'll have lots and lots of adopted babies, you will have the brothers and sisters you always wanted as a child (except that they purr instead of talking). You will have a 4-legged furball with a wagging tail following you wherever you go.

At the end, I just want to let you know that we still share the same role model. The image of the lady you had in your mind when someone asked you who your "idol" was, the lady whom you couldn't find in any history book in the library, yes, that lady !! She is my inspiration even after all these years and I promise you today as your older self that every step I have taken till now or will be taking in the coming future will be a step towards becoming that lady which we both have embedded in our minds, the lady who might not have her name written in gold in any history book but might go on to create a thunderstorm that will be a part of every history book that has ever been written.

~Love
20- year old Niti