I'm sorry if this Wrytup reminds you of someone or if something similar you went through. But it is what it is.
Toxic friendships are a bit hard to recognize if it is all you had since childhood because you don't know any better. You don't know that you are either being used, or manipulated, or even taken advantage of.
This Write-up is gonna be short and written on personal experience, which can differ from person to person, so bear with me for a while.
Here are some things that are obvious that you are in a toxic friendship:
They are always looking for one. They'll start one from anythin. Even a strach. Even about things that they normally don't care about or wouldn't bother thinking twice about.
Doesn't sound serious, right? I mean people interrupt each other all the time. No, this is the next level thing. it is so bad that if you start talking about something they don't want to talk about or something that bugs them but interests you, there's no such thing as compromising and listening. Nope. It's straight on interruption.
Not the polite one let me say. The one where they both, make it obvious and subtle that they aren't interested and they don't give a damn. They even don't give you a chance to speak up any time soon in fear that you'll bring it up again. And worse, they expect you to listen to everything they say. Even if you don't want to.
If they disregard something that is important to you as childish, kiddish, offensive (even when it isn't) just to stop you from talking about it because they don't want to handle it, get out of the friendship.
Manipulation: There is the whole number of shades of manipulation.
Yeah, this one never gets old, buddy. This is where they bring out the huge list of all the mistakes you ever made, the ones you don't even remember making, and even make up some if you are a forgetful person, and lastly, tell you the deep impact it made in their life.
Like how you not giving them a pencil in the exam can lead them to fail it. (seriously, dude if you knew you would fail without it, should've got your own. I'm your friend, not your mom). And you know what, it's not even that serious.
And you know how they use this useless list to their benefit? They take advantage of your soft heart and make you apologize for everything that never actually was a big deal. And make you do everything for them. because guess what?
They are better than you and deserve to be treated so, even at the expense of your trust in friendships.
If you are the only one at the giving end, run from the friend. Because they aren't one.
Um-hmm. Yep, my favourite one.
They compliment you, make you feel like you are the best and they cannot do anything without you. That you are the sole reason for their existence. And the famous dialogue that traps you?
"What would I do without you?"
"Where would I be if not for you?"
(really, for all I care, in a ditch if you cannot even manage something so simple.)
Yeah, I might sound rude if I say that, but these things made me realise the number of times I've done something for someone only to realise that I did this because they were lazy. Not helpless.
Made me think twice before helping someone who was actually in need, and I'm a really helpful and giving person if I can say so myself.
That is how they ruin you. Make you lose your qualities because you wasted them on someone who didn't deserve it. And then make you so cautious that if you actually make good friends, they start getting tired of you being so doubtful.
yes, it may be true at times. But if you hear whatever "secret" you've heard from them, from someone else, you ain't that special bro. It's just a trapping tactic. It means, make you feel special enough and treasured enough that you wont leave,
i'll only say one thing for this.
Never tell you're secrets to someone who tells you other people's secrets.
Now, I'm stopping with that here, next point.
If the only problems that are valid and deserve to be acknowledged are theirs and yours are just attention seeking, run.
You have to help them with everything and they suddenly have an emergency to attend to when it is your turn to ask them for their help, yeah, we all know where this goes. (this especially happens when there's an assignment to be completed.)
Can it get any more obvious?
If they yell at you to get the point across, especially when you make a significant point or point out their flaws/faults then just shut the door on their face. (sorry if my passive aggressiveness shows. I wish I could have done this when I was twelve though).
well first thing, they'll make you believe its always your fault, but they are better than you and will sarcastically apologize.
Worse, complain to their parents of what a horrible friend you are to say what you did. And then the parents get involved, and then back to the guilt-tripping and making both sides understand. It's worse because you respect the parents and actually believe them.
"the process of cutting them off and the tornado of feelings that follows afterwards" in the next part.