My Faults.

My Fault?

Was it a fateful day?
The day I first met you in a room filled with talented folks yet there was something special about you.

Random babbling about self I was kept the conversation going for too long, although it was not an one to one convo, others notice there was something different about us.

Shy??? No I don't think I fall under that category.

Daring? For sure. The first move, the first text, I took the leap of faith.
With thumping heart and the adrenalin rush, I pressed the button and the message was sent.
Tic... tic...
And there was the BLUE TICK... Typing... O GOD
The reply came back ...
When my brain cells were fighting for a suitable conversation ending...
There was it again...typing...
Wait what???
"I don't remember who are you exactly?"
and the never ending chatting began.

Day passed and his Status was visible to me.
Contact Saved
No more a random stranger, is it?

Late night talks and abrupt ending
Reacting on status was new way of ice breaking.

First meet up canceled all thanks to the advice of amature friends.

On a fine evening he told me about his crush all beautiful and sweet. I laughed and teased him with a knot in my stomach.

Days passed in giving advice of how to woe her.

He returned a night with his heart broken by a refusal.
A listening ear was all that I could provide as a well-wisher always gave him the best advice.

Months passed and he finally he asked to meet somewhere near or far.
Laughter was the only constant along with a thumping heart.
Those moment of holding hands and sweet teasing seemed not far from heaven that evening.
That smile he gave lasted all along.

Colleges were having fest and he asked me out once again but I couldn't make it this time.

It made me sad but a satisfaction was there of being asked out again one.

Another month passed with arrival of Valentince Day but I was not expecting a proposal for sure but a miracle happened.

3 messages was waiting, I saw them at 11:15pm which summrized upto
"Would you like to go on a FAKE double date tommorrow? "
Nine Cloud Moment YES it was...

BUT wait

Isn't things going too smoothly?
That's what sisters' of destiny thought
A message came next evening, "Today's Plan Canceled"
Aaaghaaaa.....
"Alright"

Very next day brought another surprise for me
Seeing my last eve's date, flirting with someone in full glory.

My friends said my expression was like that of a green eyed monster but come on, was that enough to express the crack invisible to naked eye.

Days passed a call arrived out of nowhere awestruck I received it, a calming voice asked to accompany him for a quiz. Without a second thought I said YES.

I didn't sleep that night, I prepared so that I don't miss a single point. Next day I reached before time. Called, No response, time was running out, we were already late for the venue.

A message arrived saying, "couldn't make it tonight."
I said again, "Alright".

Before the storm hit you there is a tension, a feeling in your guts.
A feeling of things being out of place, everything falling apart.
To overcome that I asked him to join me in a poetry slam.
He was out of station yet agreed without any hesitation.
I felt I was overthinking, everything is under control.

Things really got fussy after that No texts, short or 1 word replies even I was being seen zoned.

Where did things go wrong?
Did I do something that I shouldn't have done?
Where did the things go wrong?

The storm really hit me few days back when I was asked to call him because there was nothing wrong in that.

Call was answered by a girl, he said he was boarding a train there was no network , so I should just text him and he would reply to that.

That simple,"HELLO" in an unknown tone seemed to mock my feelings that I gathered i these 7 months.

I was standing in front of a mirror
that I knew was there
but I was too afraid to take off it's veil
because deep down even a part of me knew what it would reflect.

Tears were on verge of flowing but it din't
Anger was taking over the pain.

People said he din't commit to me so he wasn't at fault.
He never said he was in love with me or even liked me.
So it was all my fault.
Where did he go wrong?
It was all my fault.

Yes it was my fault to like him without knowing anything about him.
Yes it was my fault to give him the best advice even when my heart was breaking.
Yes it was my fault to believe his vulnerability at 3:00am
Yes it was my fault.

But if I was no one to him why wasn't I replied like everyone.
Why was I told everything about his first innovation?
Who was I to know about who he likes?
Who was I to see those flirtatious text he send to his side chicks?
Who was I to know how he flirt with his classmates to get his assignments done?
Who was I to be asked out to join him in a concert, in a quiz?
Why did he traveled throughout to join the poetry slam?

If I was noone why was I called on a Fake double date on the day of love?

And if you change your opinion about me being no one, then I repeat where was my fault?

BY
THE BLUE BIRD