You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have!
You know you are strong when each time pain strikes you; you strike back with full force. When it scratches all over with its ruthless claws, tearing each part of your skin apart; you let it seep through into the heart, muddling the flow of blood and making it rush through veins. Though it renders you lifeless yet keeps you alive. When it clings and clings so hard, that it refuses to leave for seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months or even years but that is what keeps you going. When it lets you go through the world in a state of passivity amidst the activeness around; passive state of soul and mind— when everything and everyone around moves or seems to move yet leaves you unmoved, untouched and unchanged in those bits and pieces, creating a void and numbness of senses.
But you know you are strong when you gather those falling pieces and hold them together. You do it yourself and you do it alone!
You know you are strong when you do not want to get out of bed each morning but still you do. When your body doesn’t function in its naturalness, rendering legs and hands motionless, and mind in its absolute state of inactivity yet your strength lets you embrace it. When after a while, the flow of water through two jaded dark caves cease to exist, unable to pave its way through the passage downwards, accumulates, with each second letting it reach its peak where you become incomprehensible of what is it that has been aching all the while, or making it ache all over again— and again and again until it has surpassed the zenith of each crack, each breach and each rift resisting to go back to its prior state.
You endure it. You feel it. You absorb it. You let it crush you and it is your strength which makes you rise like a phoenix!
You know you are strong when each time the havoc around exhausts you; drain your energy and leaves you in a state of powerlessness; you withstand it and retire into your shell- where no one and nothing can take away your leftover peace of mind, the strength of your soul and the inner resilience. When there is chaos or even when it is not; you close the doors not wanting to have an exchange with anyone without any regret. When the trials and tribulations of world become as heavy as the weight of a rock and the weight becomes unbearable; you isolate your parts from that chaotic space to let them fall into their place in seclusion. You confine yourself within your walls, letting the wounds heal on their own rather than showcasing them or getting them twisted by strangers.
You know you are strong when you become your own savior and cure yourself all on your own.
You know you are strong when hopelessness cleaves to you in the strongest way possible yet you stand up to it. When it carves out the spirit of yours and leaves you helpless; you face it with all the little spirit left behind, looking it in the eyes and making sure the gut-wrenching feeling does not last forever.
You let everything weaken you, for a while and then, all that you have survived makes you stronger than ever before!