Where We Falter?

“Love”, according to the dictionary, means “A profound and caring affection towards someone.”It is also defined as a feeling of intense attraction towards a person. But what is love actually? For a parent, it is this constant need for protecting her child and see that the child is out of danger at all times. For a friend, it is the comfort and companionship that the person gets in the vicinity of that friend. For a lover, it is the desire to be with the person they are attracted to, in the beginning, and to be attached to their lover in every romantic way possible, eventually. But what about a husband or a wife?What does a person want for their ‘better half’? But most importantly what does a person expect from their ‘better half’?

For some, it is the feeling of security that one has always got in their parents. For some it is the comfort in their presence and support in every decision of theirs without judging, just as a friend. For some, it is simply the need to be physically attached and desired to. So, all in all, we want our Life Partner to either give us all that we have gotten in our lives or fill in all the vacant spaces in our lives. However, when it comes to understanding the needs of our partner, this is when we falter.

When we are asked what are we looking for in our Life Partner, we can easily list the qualities that we oh-so-dearly want our Life Partner to have but has anyone ever asked the question of what sacrifices and compromises are WE willing to make! The answer is No. This is because we are afraid that we would not be able to answer that particular question. The reason? It is our reluctance to admit to the fact that we are Not Willing to make any compromise, consciously or unconsciously, to a smaller or greater degree. In the beginning, during the honeymoon period, we see everything through rose-eyed glasses but as it progresses, as we get to know our partner actually, as we realize that living with someone for a few hours is not the same as living with someone for twenty-four hours, we refuse to accept our partner’s flaws.

It is said that “We like someone for their qualities and love someone despite their flaws”. This notion seems to fade away with time as when the relationship progresses and we are met with the reality, we find ourselves in a situation where neither can we accept our partner’s faults nor can we admit this particular fact in front of our partner. Now, this does not always necessarily have to be with both partners. However, if any one of the two in this relationship starts feeling like this, it causes a strain in the relationship. This happens because we get tired. We get tired of compromising, tired of the one always putting up with our partner’s needs and complaints, tired of, what we think, giving more importance to our partner’s needs than ours, and lastly tired of ourselves for being in the relationship we are getting nothing out of. We get exhausted, frustrated and finally depressed. This is when a relationship falls apart when two people in the relationship grow tired of each other. Not the situations, not the other person’s change in behavior, not the perspectives. It is our mindset that ends our relationship. Our refusal to understand and compromise as needed. Relationships, especially the one lifelong relationship that we intend to have with our ‘perfect’ man or woman, should be built with trust and care and love but mostly understanding.