Unsaid Words & Unsaid Goodbyes

**Long Blog Alert**

Two years back, I selected Visva-Bharati for my Post-graduation, to run away from the known city and the known faces. My motive was crystal clear, get into this university, study hard, work hard, learn about new things and get over with it. I wanted to stay away from others as much as possible and just be on my own. To tell you the truth, I am not a people person, in fact, the exact opposite of it. Those who know me personally are well aware that I tend to avoid human interaction most of the time.

When my high school was over, I wanted to run away. The same thing happened after I graduated from college. I never wanted to look back and be seen by my acquaintances, except for some two or three people. While taking admission in Visva-Bharati, my plan here was also to do the same.

Plan That Failed & The People I Met

Guess what! The plan failed, and what a failure it was! From the very first day, it was an utter failure. Reasons? Well, they are down below.

Here, I got to know a strange creature, a full-on chatterbox, who doesn’t know to shut up at all. I got a roommate as well, smart, beautiful, and a mature girl, who was not less than a mother figure.

The bench mate that I got hold of, was another form of madness, a crazy good cook, typical annoying extrovert but with a heart of gold. The perfect beat mate was there as well, as a brother and a friend. His words, ‘Bhai ache tor pashe', will always be touching and memorable.

There was another boy, mysterious, sweet, and silent type. A pure soul and an amazing singer whose music can mesmerize your heart. Not to forget, I also got acquainted with a certain someone, who is a ‘meme himself’, his words, not mine. A friend indeed with a gifted voice that can make anyone energetic and rejoice. I used to spend my lunchtime with the gorgeous and artistic girl from Assam, a literal queen of mandalas, and a strong man with a courageous dream. There also lived a little spitfire minion who never failed to amaze me with her cute antics.

An exceptional dancer and a mother of a cat. A sound engineer (Magician) who speaks the language of sarcasm. A guitarist whose artworks are from an entirely different galaxy. A ‘Doggo’ lover, whose love for tattoos is very much visible also made this chapter of my life, somewhat special.

A debater who has answers for everything, from politics to philosophies. A girl who inspires with her work and her never-giving-up attitude, and a girl with a dazzling smile that can make your days bright. Ms. Fresher and the army girl share the same love for Korean dramas with me. Let me tell you something, they are not the only ones. There are more who made the department shine with their unique personalities.

The Experiences & The Sense Of Belonging

The thirty-five shielded me when I needed them the most and had my back till the end. They fight, they argue, they curse like anything, but they also laugh, smile, and love like anything. Santiniketan became a place that made me feel that I actually belonged there. The small evening walks, surpassing an entire night playing UNO in a room with thirteen others, watching the beautiful sunset from the rooftop. I have done everything. It was like a blissful dream, where surprisingly even with the noise, I enjoyed peace and tranquility.

When I say hub of talent, it means my batch mates of CJMC. From dancers to musicians, to filmmakers, to painters, you name it, and we have it. Creating audio stories, making documentaries, painting masterpieces, making DIY stop-motion films. I don’t think that there is anything that they can’t do. Each one of them is so damn talented and unique. Some of their voices are so freaking enchanting that it made me question if they eat CDs for breakfast.

From working as an alarm clock to shouting at them for not submitting their projects on time. Somehow, the girl who thought of not getting involved and not making friends found some hidden treasures that are hard to find.

The lockdown was a big hurdle. I was quite positive that this pandemic would be over in just a few months, and we will meet each other in reality instead of virtually. But again, when there is hope, there will be a chance of heartbreak, and this time it was a major one. Turns out, I was wrong. The last semester was online as well, and we took our last exam while being confined in our homes.

The Missing Pieces & The Improper Ending

Suddenly, I realized that this is it. This is the end. The actual end, no more going back, no more calls for classes, no more working as an alarm clock, no more E-mails, no more group projects, that’s it. They said, every ending is the beginning of something new, but if it is ending, it is going to be sad, and it’s gonna hurt, isn’ t it?

We are not going to get the same feelings anymore, everything will be here, but only as our memories. The worst thing is, it’s not even the proper ending that I had hoped for. Then there is one question, even if it was a proper ending, would it have been any less sorrowful.

I realized something, even though we wait for the new beginning and the sun to rise. The ending will always have an impact on our life. It will always gonna be painful even if it's just for a minute. 

I wanted to hear the flute performance from the flutist himself, I wished to learn about music from the guitarist, who promised to enlighten me more about it. Guess, it's just going to stay as a wish.

I believe my favorite corner of the university is still waiting for me, for us, actually. The benches and the classes may get cleaned, but they are missing the human touch, our touch. The corridors are missing the sound of the musical instruments, our laugh, and maybe even the shouts of anger. Our essence is missing from there. We are missing from there.

The Longing & The Gratefulness

For the first time in my 24 years of life, I don’t feel like, I want to run away. Maybe, because I found a place that felt as if I truly belonged there. Or maybe it’s not the place, but the people. Crazy, I know, that ‘I’ am confused if I am enchanted by the charm of that place or the people that I met there.

My batch mates, inspire me. The strength, the grit, the confidence, the goodness, that each of them possesses, is a source of inspiration. Some of their stories are still unknown to me, but what I do know is that their stories are not ordinary. Why? Because they are not ordinary themselves. To my batch mates, I just want to say, Thank you for making my university life a lot better than I expected.

For the first time, I am leaving something with a heavy heart and not running away from it. I am not in a hurry to leave and I believe it’s a huge progress in my life. I am not going to say that, I am not going to utter the word that starts with ‘M’ and ends with ‘S’. This time, I am going to leave it UNSAID.